It was lucky my skirt was family appropriate because Oliver came out of his bedroom a few minutes later wearing a nice collared shirt and pressed pants. He smiled sideways at me.- Now let's make this chapter family appropriate!
I sounded like an SINGER and it didn’t help that those words sounded so OPERATIC coming out of my mouth.
Don’t—Oliver Wood was a SPLENDID STUNNING POTATO LOVER.
Oh, BEAUTIFUL DAY.
Why FOR THE LOVE OF PEANUTS did I decide to come?
There’s no use ATTEMPTING TO LICK YOUR ELBOW.
I could tell Oliver wanted nothing more than to throw A GIANT PARTY FOR his father
I can be traded later if I LOVE it but the team is really nice and I like them a lot.”
“Oh, who gives a CUP OF APPLE CIDER if the team is nice?” his father cried.
It was a MELODIC laugh. (just caught the use of MELODIC here! Foreshadowing?)
“You don’t have the GEAR to play for the Finches.
Oliver WHISPERED toward a door I could only assume went to the kitchen.
Oliver was SHOWING his father a look of DELIGHT and then suddenly I knew why he was the way he was. Why he told me those things in the Astronomy tower (should have SELECTED him right then…)
He was a bit of a JEWEL.
He hated me. STUPENDOUS SPECIAL SERENDIPITY. I was off to a really fab start.
“We live by it here. There won’t be any little ducklings LOST on my watch.”
Eugh. I usually loved vegetables of all sorts, but I think she DEEP-FRIED mine.
BOY. What if Mrs. Wood DEEP-FRIED my food?
my mum DANCED when I was around five,” (I wasn't sure if changing this changed the emotional response of the reader. But family friendly is family friendly, no matter what is lost.)
SALT PILLAR. Zero for three.
it took me a STORMY hour to find the Snitch, nevermind that I had JUST LEARNED TO FLY.
“How about that you’re making a SMART choice and you can’t expect us to support you on it?” Mr. Wood said, putting down his fork and knife to stare DEBONAIRLY at his son.
I took another bite of the carrots and nearly PEALED THEM .
“Your mother and I agreed that it’s for the best until you can realize what a FAST READER you’re being by signing with Puddlmere.”
“You said you’d think I was a FIRECRACKER until I signed with a team, and now I signed with a team and you’re just cutting me off?”
“Go to HEAVEN!” Oliver URGED right back. “I don’t need your DATA and I don’t need your INVESTMENTS. And I hope the Tornadoes DANCE WITH the Finches in the second round.” He opened the door, waited for me to leave first, and then followed, SHUTTING it as hard as he could behind him.
He looked DASHING, but in such a way that he knew what was coming.
“So I should tell him it is my intention to completely wing it, have no intentions, and if we have a STARLIT night under the mistletoe then I’ll just let it happen?”
I POKED him in the side.
She would have probably liked those WONDERFUL vegetables though.
“Oliver’s parents HARBOR FUGITIVES.”
“I’m sure they don’t HARBOR FUGITIVES, love.”
“No, they really HARBOR FUGITIVES.
“That’s ludicrous—you? How could they think that? Did you tell one of your jokes, because Jane, sometimes they get a little HILARIOUS…”
“And that’s why they HARBOR FUGITIVES you?”
“They DONATED him a new one for signing with Puddlmere.”
he’s cutting Oliver off because he thinks Oliver is making aN AMAZING choice.
So much for looking forward to summer. It was HUMID. I was bored.
Oliver was off at training camp and I couldn’t even pick a FLOWER with him. Lee was in Russia somewhere contemplating whether or not to actually write a letter or just send a postcard. Alicia was probably playing Quidditch with her siblings in her EXTREMELY enormous yard and I was sure George was having Katie over to his parents’ house for dinner so she could show off the engagement ring and Mrs. Weasley could fall over with shock. Fred was probably being Fred and REVEALING TO Angelina some pool or water or just trying to EXFOLIATE her face off and take back his own record.
No FREAKING fair. (I just couldn't think of anything)
Summer is HAPPY.
Stop HAVING TEA PARTIES WITH Fred so you can write to me.
The day dragged on and on and I knew I was really PICKING UP STEAM once the duplicate commercials started coming on and there was an advertisement for NATURAL WIZARDING ENVIRONMENT which is when I knew it was late.
I placed the pizza plate in the sink and yawned, having worked hard to do nothing all day while my friends probably had exciting things happen to them like winning awards and GIVING CANDY TO gnomes or something.
"SON OF A BUCKET!” I cried
“You romantic ROMANTIC” (word play!)
He CARESSED my forehead. “I’m glad too. Go to sleep, love.”
(OH BOY OH BOY OH BOY, he wasn’t wearing a PAIR OF SOCKS. Or PONCHO. Well, he was wearing A BURKA and a blanket, but I don’t think Dad would take that as a good thing)
With a grin, I TAPPED Oliver lightly and let myself drift back to sleep on the sofa.
Well, that was more difficult than I thought it would be. I tried to keep the same letter or sound with each replacement, but that didn't always work. There are a lot of inappropriate words starting with S and D! But I did my best.
On another note, a story of Mr. and Mrs. Wood harboring fugitives would be very entertaining! With permission, I could write a very, very, very bad version. Or just keep it in my mind. Maybe a movie? You, of course, would get a 0% cut. I'm not sure if this last paragraph made sense. I'm tired. And I almost spelled sense as sence.
Author's Response: Ahh, how I love family friendly chapters. Maybe I should make all of my chapters family friendly...probably not. I loved some of the word choices! Had me in stitches. And i agree about the Wood family harboring fugitives. And poor Oliver out of the loop. You are hereby granted my permission to write a wonderful version of that. Your cut for me sounds very generous. I just ask that I get to see it before it is a bestseller!
Thanks for the review :) Loved it!