I hope you are well. ^_^
First of all, I just want you to know that you're only my second song fic, so I hope you'll bear with me. ^_^ I do know Taylor Swift's White Horse though, and I must say that you've done a pretty good job with incorporating the tone of the song to this story and that's always good! Song fics are not really my cup of tea, to be honest, so I hope you won't mind if I limit my opinions on the song to that and focus on the narrative instead at this point.
Harry and Luna. While I can't say that I'm a fan of this pairing, I must admit that I don't really find them odd. I remember when Luna was first introduced in Order of the Phoenix, I wondered what JKR planned for her character and I remember sensing some possibly romantic aura at the end of the book when it was Luna who made Harry feel a little better about losing a loved one. My point is, I can understand the fascination with this pairing and I think it's really sweet that you've chosen to write about it. I was surprised, though, when I read it fully because I was rather expecting to see more of how their relationship developed and not how it faltered. So, this really is an unromanticized love story, yeah? Interesting. I guess that's part of the reason why this didn't really have that much impact on me when I read it. I mean, I haven't really read much about the two of them, so I needed convincing that their relationship actually worked before I could grasp the idea of them falling apart, you know? No worries. It's not your fault. Haha. I guess I just need to explore the archives more. ^_^
Let's move on to the critique then, shall we? I noticed a lot of technical errors on this story that sort of distracted me a little as I was reading this. I saw some of the other reviews you have and a couple of them pointed some out already like shifting tenses, typographical errors (i.e. your instead of you're), some grammar slip ups etc. and I'm sure you know them by now, right? I also noticed that you had this beta'd already, so maybe you can suggest for your beta to focus on those points next time? Just so you won't make the same errors in your future stories and future edits. I'd also like to add that you tend to write your dialogues incorrectly. We don't end declarative sentences with periods when they are meant to convey spoken words, especially when they are followed by the pattern pronoun/noun + action verb meaning said. We use comma instead. For example, this line right here:
"No." she said firmly, still with that dreamlike tone. --> This should be:
"No," she said firmly, still with that dreamlike tone. --> Only applicable to periods, though. We retain the question marks and the exclamation points. ^_^
I must be honest. I also found your characterizations a little off. While I was glad to see that you've written Luna differently and I was really interested with how you portrayed her being hurt and you showed us how she reacted to things like boys cheating on her, how she hadled a betrayal from a friend and all, I thought you delved too much into her girly side that we sort of lost the Luna that we've all grown to love. I missed the quirky, eccentric Luna. Her reactions, while normal and understandable for most girls that age, were rather bland for Luna. And Ginny... well, she didn't really say much, yeah? But I suppose that she would at least say something. I can understand that Ginny had enough sense and conscience to feel guilty about doing something like that to a friend, but she seemed a little off as well. My biggest concern, though, was your version of Harry. Do you really think he could do something like that? Alright, I'm willing to cut him some slack and understand that he was probably just conflicted and reacted on impulse when he cheated on Luna, but the part when he tried to kiss her to gain her favour back - that bothered me. I mean, Harry's rubbish with girls and for him to do that was so unlike the Harry portrayed in the books in my opinion. Please note that it's just my personal opinion, so no offense, my dear. But I do suggest you think about the characters next time. ^_^
To be fair though, I did enjoy the dramatic scenes. Teehee. And I must say, your descriptions were not too bad as well. There were really good lines in here, some parts where you combined your words really well that I didn't find it hard to imagine the setting and what the scenes looked like inside my mind, so well done! Yay! And that part where Ginny was, what was it? Preoccupied with the nonexistent interesting creature outside. --> This line made me laugh. :P
Over all, I enjoyed reading this. One of the reasons really why I decided to open a review thread is to be able to read stories like yours - you know, the ones that I won't normally read if you leave me to my own devices. Haha. I tend to focus on a particular genre and paring when I browse through the archives and I think I'm missing a lot of good stories by doing that, so thank you for requesting on my thread. *hugs* And that's it for me. Keep writing and keep improving! I'll see you around! ^_^
PS. I know it took me forever to give you this review and I really don't have any excuses to offer to explain my tardiness. Please accept my sincerest apologies. *puppy dog eyes*
Author's Response: Holy cow. You wrote so much, i feel like I have to write so much back! Haha. Firstly,thanks so much for reading and reviewing. This is by FAAR the best review I have ever recieved.
Also, you have really helped me alot and I'm glad you don't think this is total rubbish. A few people had told me Harry is not like himself but thats how I wanted it t6o be, just to kind of mix it up a bit. And for Luna I didn't really know how she would react to a situition like this. At first I had her freaking out but eveyone said that was nothing like her so I decied to maybe make her question the possibly that Harry was actually kissing Ginny. :P If that makes any sense at all.
Anyways, thanks so much and no worries I'm a paitent person. (: