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Review:Hayleekins says:
Ooooh :) This sounds that it could be a really good story! It just seems too rushed. You could have added a little more into this chapter, it wasn't extremely long.. You could try discribing thigs more, surroundings, sounds, emotions, peoples appearence.. What was Lily, or any of the other characters wearing? Was Diagon Alley horribly crowded, with Mothers running by with their children, muttering about the high price of scales, with children gushing about the newest fastest racing broom, with an escaped cat causing a menace in the pet shop. Could Lily and her company have fought their way through the bustling crowd towards the nearly empty bookshop, headaches already forming in their minds?
I'm not sure if I'm helping at all, but I had quite a problem with not being descriptive enough, and I had a very lovely reviewer tell me so, and used a veeerry nice example, so, I thought I would try and pass down the wisdom!
I can't wait to see where you take this story, so you better keep updating!! :):)
Alright, alright, I'll hurry up and end this looong review :D
I give it... 8/10, for potential ;)
~Hayleekins
PS, if ya wanted, you could check out some of my stories?? JUST if you wanna :D

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