Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:SiriuslyPeeved says:
This was captivating; Ariana's point of view is beautifully brought across. I actually really liked your dialogue -- I think it fits well with the tone of the piece. Aberforth is a little awkward anyway, in canon, and his terse words are fitting.

I loved your use of musical terminology, it blends very nicely into the description as a whole. I loved the idea of Aberforth slipping a bit with "accidental rubato". he does not strike me as the most disciplined pianist. (I have quite a soft spot for him!)

Punctuation notes as you requested: :) "No-one" does not need a dash, at least not in American usage. Also, "pick-up sticks" only needs one and "side by side" does not need any.

Here is a small thought on word choice, I'm not entirely sure that this passage has an optimum flow with "brain" used:

Ariana feels as though her own brain could sweep her away(...)

Perhaps another word would go better in place of "brain," though I know your choices are few. Sorry not to offer any concrete suggestions, though.

I loved the last paragraph and the idea that ghosts can't move on until their loved ones accept their passing... that was personally moving to me.

I wonder about the identity of Aberforth's friend: you don't need to answer me, but my curiosity is piqued! Thanks for your request, I'm really glad I read this.

Author's Response: Thanks Mary ♥ I find dialogue really hard to get right... I don't really know what makes excellent dialogue and I tend to write much more descriptive pieces now so I feel out of practice almost :P Thanks for the notes on the punctuation, I think I give up trying to understand the English language! Aberforth's friend is just that... a friend. I felt he needed to have someone there to comfort him because I don't feel like Albus would have done and I didnt want him to be all alone! thanks so much for the lovely review!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net