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Review:Ravenclaw333 says:
Hmm. A good story outline so far and you've portrayed the pureblood/Death Eater world quite well. However, there are some technical errors which do detract from the story a bit. You have a few spelling errors, particularly when it comes to splitting words ("whereas" not "were as") and using the wrong word ("presence" not "presents.") Have a look at your sentence structure as well; use of commas in appropriate places would help it flow better and varying the length of your sentences would also help. I also was a bit confused by a lot of the comments in the story, try to read through and imagine whether it makes sense to someone who's reading it for the first time. I know a lot of my comments are very general; if you want me to specifically go through and show you exactly what I mean, just PM me on the forums and I'll be happy to go through it.

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