Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:littlemissmb says:
Ok i have several problems with this one shot:

1. Your rushing it: your rushing the plotline again, like with Poppy. you need to slow down, dont worry that its too long. its better for it to be too long than to be too short and leave the reader feeling a little disappointed. for example :

“Wow, I never thought kissing you would be better than kissing Astoria,” He smiled brushing the hair off of Luna's face.

“Same, um I should get back.”

“No a little longer I have the urge to shag you.”

That was WAY to quick.. it should have been gradual, FULL of detail.

2. The obvious : Please try to avoid pointing out the obvious in future. it leaves the reader feeling irritated and undermined.

3. Grammar : it wasnt to bad but i did notice some little spelling mistakes. make sure you spell check before you submit. it makes the story easier to read.

4. detail: i know i keep coming back to it but its very important that you FILL your story with detail. for example, you say that draco and luna are meant to be together and true love. as a reader, i didnt see that at all. all i saw it as was a quick shag. think romeo and juliet, think to see her smile makes him want to die from the joy he feels. i can not stress this enough. you need A LOT more detail. for example: you didnt mention anything at all about what happened DURING that hour of passion.

i think that if you could develop the story more with A LOT more detail and slowing it down then it could be a brilliant story but you still have a little way to go yet. keep trying though.

5/10

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net