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Review:MajiKat says:
here to review!

okay, i think you have something interesting here, but what i would like to see is their relationship explored some more. it seems to quick - the whole introduction into them being together and then, suddenly, harry is cheating on her. i didn't understand how that happened. there is space to move with this relationship - luna is an odd ball, off center person and harry has been someone on the margins his whole existence. i think it is plausible that they would have some things in common but to make this ship truly believable, you have to work on making the reader feel like they actually belong together, that there is a deeper reason for them to be together.

on your characterisation - i didn't really feel any of them were truly in character. it is ok to stray from canon (goodness knows I've done it enough myself) but you need to make that realistic. for instance, i can't imagine harry cheating on any girl, even if he doesn't really like/love her. he is too noble for that. also, luna didn't seem very luna-ish. ive never written her so i can't tell you what you need to do there, but she fell a little bit flat as a character. i didn't expect her to be flaming mad or anything, because that is not her, but i expected something different from her. maybe something a little more obscure? i don't know if that is the answer either.

ginny also didn't seem right - she'd be cross at harry, i'm sure, but there was none of that from her. she needs more fire. she'd likely hex harry and then give over to her guilt.

ok spelling and grammar really need some work. it was distracting to read sometimes, and you need to work on the formatting of the fic. spaces between paragraphs is necessary when reading on the computer screen (i believe) and whenever someone new speaks, a new line needs to be given to them, so the reader does not lose track of who is speaking.

i felt also that the narrative voice could use some work - i didn't feel much authority from the narrator/s. this is supposed to be third-person omniscient isn't it? which can be hard to maintain.

i thought the song was really nice and did work well with the piece and overall, like i said, there is the basis for something really solid here.

i hope some of that helped and i wasn't too harsh. i always try to be constructive!

Maji xx

Author's Response: Thanks so much for the reveiw, I love get long ones! (:

I had a hard time thinking up how Luna would react, i didn't really know how she would. As for Ginny i wanted her to not be like herself because i always thought that Ginny was just a pity friend to Luna. As for Harry, now that you mention it he IS to noble, but I needed something to get this story going... At first it was just going to be a song fic about what happened after slughorns party but instead of luna catches Harry and Ginny it was going to be ginny catching harry and luna. But i thought that was a bit, blah. But thats so much for the review. (:


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