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Review:celticbard says:
Hi SeverusLove!
Congrats on writing and posting your first fic! I know how terribly nerve-wracking it can be. ^_^ After reading this one-shot, I'd say you've done quite well. There is definitely room for improvement, but I think you have a firm base to work with.

Firstly, your description of Severus's desperation, his panic and resentment, his fear and gradual acceptance of death, was very well done. You really seem to understand his character, which is not an easy thing, considering how complex Snape is.

Also, I really enjoyed the brief exchange between James and Severus at King's Cross Station. Their mutual acceptance of each other in death was very touching, and, I think, quite realistic.

Other than that, I would suggest you try to work on your opening paragraph. It was a bit all over the place and I, as a reader, didn't have a clear grasp of exactly when and where this story was taking place. You might also want to slow things down just a little. Pacing is important for a story. In particular, I felt the scene in which Harry suddenly appears before the dying Severus read a little rushed. The very real conflict of Snape dying alone without completing his task was diminished by the rather quick solution of his quandary.

Over all, I thought this was a really nice story. You should be very proud of yourself for taking the first step and posting on HPFF. I look forward to seeing more of your work in the future. Take care!

Best,
celticbard

Author's Response: celticbard,

Thank you for taking time to read my story, I really appreciate it.

Well, I love writing Snape 'cooz he's my favorite. I was worried I wasn't gonna be able to do justice to Snape so I'm glad you think it was believable and not out of character for him.

Well, yeah, I guess I seem to have a weakness with pacing. I've been editing this story again and again but I can never get the pacing right. I'll have to learn to slow down.

I was going for an opening that would make people curious and interested but it turned out all wrong and looked kinda boring and annoying instead. :P

Anyway, thank you again for taking time to read and review,

I Send You my Utmost Gratitude,
Sevvy


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