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Review:VeniceLily says:
Hi there :)

So, this ia kind of a really interesting idea - Astoria and Colin? I don't know if there has ever been a fanfic written about that pairing.
I have to say, I really enjoyed it though. Your descriptions are lovely - the say a lot, without being too wordy. The whole premise of the story is believable as well.

My critique would be that it's too long, and feels to choppy. I like the dual perspective, from Colin, and then Astoria, but I feel like they don't fit well together, and that certain sections don't flow well to the next section. (Part of this i a simple formatting fix - use *** or something similar, instead of an actual line. It's less distracting to the reader that way.)

Otherwise, I commend you for making such an odd couple, rather believable :)

-Lily

Author's Response: I know, yes, Astoria and Colin - the most bizarre pairing since bizarre pairings began, except maybe Uncle Vernon/Squid or whatever. I found it in the ship discussion thread and felt like I really had to write it, because I'd never seen it before.

Thank you very much for saying so - I'd worried that the prose might be a little, ahem, 'purple'. I have a tendency to get too wound up in explanations.

I agree, I do think, when reading back, that it is a little long, and it is a bit stop-start. It's probably those stupid line breaks I put in. I don't have extremely epic plans to re-write this, but I'll bear that in mind for future stories, as flow is a really important thing and I need to sort it out.

Thank you very much for being so prompt - honestly, that was one of the fastest review requests ever! Also, thank you very much for your comments. I'm glad you liked it, but I'm also glad for that concrit (:

Thanks again,

PS.


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