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Review:schoenemaedchen says:
Hi there. Sorry this took me so long! I was on vacation 9.9...

So, in regards to writing this for the challenge: WELL DONE! It is not easy, but I think you did an excellent job.

I confess, I spent a bit more time reading through this story for grammar since you mentioned you don't use Betas (Why is that, by the way?) As a whole, the grammatical/spelling/punctuation in your story was great.

I did find two spots where I might have spotted a few tiny errors, but nothing horrible or significant.

So, tell me if I'm reading this sentence wrong, but doesn't a 'be' belong after would?
"not only was she asking for it, but she would the crowning achievement of the tick marks on their head boards."

And perhaps where you mention the free-for-all as the girls exit the dance floor, you should hyphenate it. That's what I saw in a few dictionaries that I looked in :)

Those extremely picky points aside, (as I said, I was reading intensely for grammar) I came across some wonderful aspects of your story that I would like to comment on.

I really like how you drew the comparisons between Rose and Scorpius' Ex. I thought it played nicely into his thought process!

I also really enjoyed your description during their rather spicy scene...the line where she painted the pillows auburn!! I thought it was great :)

The flow was also wonderful! The story was easy and fluid to read and also enjoyable. Again, excellent job with the challenge and excuse the late response :)

-Schoenemaedchen

Author's Response: Thanks so much for this review :) Thank you for going through and grammar checking it! It can be difficult to pick up all the little mistakes, so it was nice for you to do that for me! I have corrected them :)

I'm glad you thought the flow was good! I'm very pleased with this story, I think it's one of my best works yet.

In regard to writing this for the challenge, you know, i didn't find it difficult not to write said. I think when I went and edited it I only had it a few times. But I think it really made for a more compelling piece, you know??

Thank you SO much for coming to do this, again, I really appreciate it!


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