Hello there. It's boysof_p0tterfan509 from the forums here with the review that I've promised :) Thanks for giving the challenge a go!
I thought that this was a nice one-shot overall. The idea to give Cho a place to come and talk to Cedric every once in a while was very interesting, and it reminded me a little bit of Charlie St. Cloud and his little brother. But anyway. I liked the idea to have Cedric sort of relinquish his hold on Cho, to realize that he was holding her back and let her go. It seemed very much like what he would have done when he was alive as he was a very humble and loyal person at times; on the other hand, Cho was clearly very emotional, which you portrayed very well here as well.
Some things I'd like to point out are that, first, your story didn't quite meet the word count for the challenge. You're about four words shy, ^_^ You're free to go back and change a few things to get it to 1000, but I thought I'd just let you know. Second, I found a few grammar errors, if you will, that stuck out when I was reading:
- "Oh, sweet and kind Cedric, handsome, and we were meant to be. Or so I thought, until he was killed at the hand of You-Know-Who."
I think that you could probably clear that up a bit more, because it seems sort of.. choppy? Maybe by putting all of the adjectives together in the first bit - "Cedric was so sweet, kind, and handsome..." - then, since the second part of that sentence can stand alone, the 'and' isn't really needed, so you could make it a sentence on its own, add a semi-colon, or hitch it to the second sentence like so: "We were meant to be, or so I thought, until he was killed by You-Know-Who."
- "There is no other man that I would have been willing to give my life up for."
The word 'up' isn't really necessary in this sentence.
Those are the only things I noticed, but overall, like I said before I thought that this one-shot was really nice and well done. It really showed Cho's strong love and loyalty toward Cedric, even after his death. I thought that you portrayed their strained 'relationship', if you will, beautifully.
Thank you, again, for taking up my challenge. :)
Author's Response: Thank you for the constructive critiscm, and thank you for such a wonderful challenge! It definitely got me out of my box! I'm glad you liked the story.