Hello there, Zinny (Ilasia) from the forums here with the review you requested! I'll try to address all the concerns you mentioned, and as I said, this review will be divided into two parts:
- You said you were a bit iffy about the beginning being too vague. Personally, I thought the ambiguity was spot-on, in the sense that it adds something extra to the one-shot. It doesn't have the reader thinking that the story is going to be another 'Hermione-loves-Ron-and-she's-telling-us-so' situation, which is really lovely. Also, leaving it vague has us wondering who she could be talking about, and it'll keep us reading on to check up on whether it's Ron or not.
- I enjoyed the concept of this for two reasons: first, you don't see too many Harry/Hermione stories that aren't Harmony and that focus on the unique relationship the two have. This is really a breath of fresh air, your taking on the Harry/Hermione friendship and keeping it platonic - even so, you have Hermione contemplating herself with Harry, which is very realistic. I'd be surprised if the girl hadn't of pictured herself with her best friend at least once during the course of their friendship.
Second reason is because I do love how you have her essentially discussing how Harry is the total package (for lack of a better phrase), and how he's a good man. And yet, she loves what she has in Ron - faults and all - and he's the man for her.
- I found the ending rather confusing. I found myself having to reread it to try and understand whether Hermione was in denial about her loving Harry, or if she was just expressing her strong bon with him. At first, I read it as though she was in denial, but after going back I realized that's not what you meant at all, was it?
I just found it to be a bit abrupt, as she's talking all about how fantastic Harry is in the beginning and then suddenly she's saying she loves Ron. I think it would be beneficial to perhaps stick in a paragraph or so, just having her talk about what she loves about Ron - maybe even taking the 'faults' she describes previously and having her say she fings them endearing and has grown to love his imperfections. I think it would help the overall flow, and have it make a bit more sense.
- As for your summary, I'm partial to short ones, so I implore you to keep it that way. Especially since this one-shot is under 600 words, and I think that a long summary would just contrast against a quick one-shot.
Besides that, I find your two sentences to be almost too contradictory. Love isn't always as simple as everyone makes it out to be sounds very definitive, and then you say it might just be simpler - it's a tad hard to wrap your head around. Perhaps something like "They say love isn't simple as everyone makes it out be. But sometimes, just maybe, it is" would suit it better?
Overall, I did enjoy this. I do hope I covered all the points you mentioned, and feel free to re-request another piece. Hope I helped!
Author's Response: Thankies! This was lovely!
I've never really given a ton of thought to Harry/Hermione just because I was ALWAYS a Ron/Hermione fan. So this was really just a bit of challenge for me.
But I think it's pretty much impossible for Hermione to never have thought about the option of being with Harry.
As for the ending, it's supposed to be obvious that she's in love with Ron. *insert blunt statement here*, you know? I didn't really want her to move over to things that she liked about Ron or how she'd grown to enjoy his faults. Because the point was the simplicity of it all. She loves Ron, not Harry. No reasoning, no way to explain it. She just does.
I really like your version of the summary! Definitely changing it to that, thank you. :DDD
And thank you for this awesome review! I will definitely be re-requesting. As you may have seen, I've got a few one-shots looking for love. :P