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Review:VeniceLily says:
Hi there :)
This is really an interesting piece. I love that you wrote it in first person - it makes it all the more intriguing, and really helps to put the reader into the mind of Regulus.

the flashbacks are seemlessly woven into the rest of the story, which is something you should be quite proud of. I've read many a fic where a flashback sticks out liek a sore thumb, and it ruins the whole flow of the story.

Speaking of flow, yours flows wonderfully, each sentence fitting together with the next. I was a little distracted by the formatting - the spaces are too large between single sentences.

I like the scene where Regulus is begging Sirius to forgive him - but I think it is rather unrealistic. I think Regulus had always been so headstrong, and so stubborn, that he never would have sunk to the level of admitting he was wrong. I think he would have gone about undermining the Dark Lord quietly, without letting anyone else know that he had changed his mind.

That said, I do like the hesitation he had for being sorted - how he was SO nervous to be put into Gryffindor. And the bit about his future being set, all because he was a Slytherin.

I also really enjoyed the bit about the lack of a brother - I think that is exactly how their relationship must have been. The bit at the beginning about Sirius being pinished was a nice insight too, into how both Sirius and Regulus must have felt.

Overall, a very nice peice. In the last line, I would remove the name, personally. We all know who the character is, and it feels kind of.. too stagey, if you know what I mean. It kind of ruins the idea that we are actually listening to him think, because I doubt he would say that himself.


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