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Review:theelderwand says:
Excellent flourishes here, from Lily becoming less nerdy and more "girly" to the Longbottoms being friends of the core group. And Bella! Ugh, nice touch adding her in as a prefect, no less.

Oh, and i think you did just fine putting Sirius' move-in with the Potters here - i think the timing is fine. And James is reining himself in - at Remus suggestion. Good flourish that. Better, tho, is Lily lamenting the loss of James' attention.

Your writing is tight and gramatical (I think you might want to replace wander with wonder tho). Otherwise, I'm pulled into this tale.

Eldy.

Like the flourishes concerning the war too!

Author's Response: Yeah, all the changes in Lily, and in James reaction, are needed for the plot, but I'm glad they seemed to fit - i.e. were flourishes rather than eyesores!

I figured that Bella is world class at duelling, and hence was probably pretty magically talented at school. The stretch from that to prefect didn't seem too extreme, and as this story is going to be pretty war heavy, she was too good a character to pass up on!

I wandered into the wander/wonder mistake? I wonder why! Thanks for the heads up - will change when I next edit, which is likely to be pretty soon.

Thanks for all the support on this piece - really encourages me to actually get in gear and WRITE it!


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