Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Alopex says:
Typos aren't really my favorite thing to comment on, but in an otherwise beautiful story, I do like to point them out when I remember. I noticed three here: soon after Kate read the note from Henry, she "signed" instead of sighed. Henry worries that they'll "loose" the upper hand with investors instead of lose it. And shortly after that, he says he needs someone to be in for the long "hall" rather than long haul.

Ok, picky stuff out of the way. It's been, oh, ten months since I read chapter one. I remember Charlie was in it, in Romania, and he was in a pub of some sort, wasn't he? And Death Eaters attacked and set the place on fire? Something like that. Obviously, this chapter takes place someplace else (Egypt) entirely and focuses on a different character.

I liked your characterizations of Kate and Henry. Both came across as real--types of people I could easily picture in my head. In particular, I enjoyed your descriptions of Henry. I suppose since Kate was observing him, we got a little more detail about him.

I recall from chapter one that you took great pains with describing the setting, and you did the same in this chapter as well. I'm quite impressed by your way of describing the setting. You include a lot of detail, so that I can construct a very detailed image in my mind, but I don't feel overwhelmed by a list of nouns and adjectives. What I mean is, you work the information about the setting into the narrative, so that it doesn't stick out, and it's spread out enough that I don't forget the list of "stuff" as soon as I've finished reading it.

What an intriguing story so far. I'm really enjoying it.

Author's Response: Oh, boy. That's a lot of typos. Eek! Thank you for pointing them out. It seems the more I edit for content, the more typos I seem to acquire. I shall fix them straight away. Aside from that, I'm glad you liked the chapter. I haven't been writing much on this one, thinking the characters were falling flat, but I'm glad they seemed to work well in this chapter at least. And I'm really glad you liked the description. If nothing else, I think I may have learned something about that while writing this. Thank you for the review, and for the corrections in particular.

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 499
Submit Report: