Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Friday_Star says:
Cute story (:
I really liked the interaction between Lily and Harry, it was very nice, and it made me feel all happy :D . My relationship with my Dad is totally different, still good, but different (:

Some (hopefully) constructive criticism:
"Harry was silent for a moment, frowning, when his daughter's silent sobs broke the silence"
This sentence is a bit...clunky. You used the word 'silent/silence' three times in 15 words, which is quite noticeable. If you can think of synonyms for a word that you need to use multiple times in a short space of time, it usually helps the writing flow better. That sentence is also a bit of a paradox - if her sobs were silent, how did they break the silence? Just something to think about (:

I also thought meeting Joshua and all the interaction with him could have been longer, so that you got a real feel for Joshua and why he was asking her to Hogsmeade.

Anyway, I still really enjoyed this one shot, especially the ending, because that's something I need to realise - that love really is out there somewhere (:

xx

Author's Response: thank you! for the review and for the help! I hadn't really thought about that so I'm extremely thankful that you pointed that out for me =]
Actually that last part was just written so fast because the deadline was literally around the corner for me to post it up, so that's why it's like that lol. I'm definitely going over the story again and editing. I'll do that soon =)

I'm happy you liked it and helped you (hopefully) realized that love is out there. Although I'm still trying to find it =P

Thank you again for reviewing and constructive criticism. I appreciate it =)

-Theia..=]


Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 147
Submit Report: