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Review:Adrielne says:
The first paragraph of this chapter made me immediately fall in love with it. But I can't go all lovey-dovey over your story, can I now? ;) So here's the cruel critique!
Firstly, there is no unusual plot twist in this chapter. There's few things beyond that first paragraph that would convince me to read this story over any other.
Secondly, the descriptive paragraphs are way too long and they appear to be quadruple-spaced. You could break them into two or three smaller paragraphs each, making them more interesting and less of a bother to read.
Thirdly, you could add some more humor to this. The first paragraph is a promise of a humorous chapter and the rest lowers the standard a bit.
But it was still a great read and it's the "Ella is such a wonderful writer, she should show it off more by making her stories absolutely perfect!!!" side of me that's omplaining ;)
Hugs full of Gryffie love and support,
~ Adrielne

Author's Response: OK, give me a moment to put perfectionist Ella in the corner, cause she doesn't deal with criticism well...

Thanks for the review, as given how little I'm feeling this story, it really does need some work doing on it to make it draw me back in. I'll definitely have a look at the lack of humour, and see if I can use this as a means of breaking up the descriptive areas. As for plot twists, I'm not sure I want to change the story itself, but I could certainly try and give it a rework in order to make what I am saying seem less obvious from the start - get a little misdirection going.

Anyways, thanks for reading, and giving me something to think about!


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