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Review:VeniceLily says:
I love this, the whole idea of them being in horrible torment, or 'burning' as you put it, and only being able to see it in each other. I think it is entirely plausible.

I think you could improve this a lot by expanding it - it is very short, and I think there is a lot of room to tell more of what was going on. You still don't have to get too specific, because that wouldn't fit with the story, but a little bit more detial would add to this greatly.

Also, grammatically, it needs a little work - commas, phrasing etc. But I think that could come with practice, and with spell check! :)

Other than that, I thought it was wonderful.
Very nice!


Author's Response: n_n thank you and I'll take into account all of your advise thank you so much for it.

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