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Review:the_giant_squid says:
It's me again! I like the way you started the chapter off - wasn't quite sure who you were talking about at first, which makes me want to read more. The second sentence is a bit awkward, though. The way I read it, it's about 'the word' of James rolling up to her doorstep, when I think you mean the word of James' arrival in general. You might want to clarify that just to clear things up. Also, I don't think you need the "though" in there. The sentence makes sense without it. I like the detail about her forcing James to say "please" a lot. It really highlights the fact that he's acting like a petulant child who wants another ice cream rather than a grown-man. I think you did a really good job with characterizing Hermione. She's a bit short with him, but at the same time deep down he's her nephew. I love the line "No, now he was a man and he was in control and it was, frankly, terrifying. ". It just really jumped out at me. And all these hints about what James did! What is so despicable? What isn't he ashamed of? I can't wait to find out.

On to the second part, because I am a chronological person and you've made it easy for me to be so. Once again, you prove your prowess at acknowledging the littlest details. All of the things that have changed - the collage, the marks around her mirror, and, my personal favorite, the black outline on the star - really show out out of touch James is and how detached he now his from the family. I really loved that part. And part three, which I'll stick in here too since it wasn't very long. I think Hermione's spot on here - nervously looking at James while talking to Victoire and then switching back into her role as a mother and aunt and straight-laced rule follower who's annoyed at James ("I tipped it down the sink". Priceless). The last part is just fantastic! It sounds just like something Ron would say, and the irony is almost overwhelming. A nice way to end it. Alright, another novel-length review. Can't wait to see what happens next!

Author's Response: I'm so sorry for not getting to this sooner. I'm not used to getting such long reviews from someone I don't know! Usually I can leave them to go unreplied to for a while and apologise to the person in question somewhere else for leaving it so I truly am sorry.

I'll definitely go back and edit that first paragraph a little (I'm not sure if I already have...I can't remember!) I'm glad that Hermione's come across well. I've never felt so unsure about a characterisation. I don't write the Trio...ever :P

Chapter 5 will reveal a little bit on what he did, then I'll do the finer details at a later date. I'm scared of having the readers turn against me if I don't address it soon!

The little details are the most important, I think. I tryyy not to point out what should be obvious, try to leave a little to the imagination yet mark my own stamp on it. If that's coming off, that's perfect.

Haha, I like that line myself, actually. I think she was definitely more in character there whereas Ron was a little off, for me, though I'm glad it sounds like him for you!

Thank you so much for the helpful and detailed review and I really am truly sorry that it's taken so long for me to reply to. I really wanted to do it some justice.

Thank you!


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