Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:TwilightPrincess says:
Hi there =) Thanks for requesting.

It took me a while to understand what was going on. I read it twice. It's not your fault; I missed the sentence that said whose funeral it was. Then I had to check the era and the characters and all of that. Then one more check for AU. Then I got it. XD

After I got past all of that, I found a really heart wrenching story. I usually don't care much for angst, but for some reason I could really feel this one. Something about a widower makes me sympathize. It's got to be a tough situation, especially for one with quite a few children. I like that you chose that setup for this story. It sort of forces Ron to grow up and be the man, because there is no one to clean up after him anymore. It's a somber situation.

There were a few things I didn't care for, though. These sentences: Fourteen was old enough to be strong and silent on the outside stoic. Fourteen was young enough to be shattered and dying on the inside broken. I don't care for the words 'stoic' and 'broken' being separated from the rest of the sentence. Either include them in the real sentences or just do the hyphenation once. To do the same thing twice lessens the effect.

Other than that, you did a great job. This fic was really well done. Lots of heart and soul. Great job =)

Keep up the good work and have fun ^_^


Author's Response: No, thank you for reviewing!

Sorry for the confusion at the beginning! I was purposefully a vague in my writing of this and was really relying on faith that people would catch who I was talking about. Perhaps I need to add something to the summary to help point readers in the right direction... Glad you got there eventually, though!

This is one of those stories that's been banging around in my brain for a long time, but it took forever to get out on paper. I knew I had to do it right or it would just be a mushy, sappy, ansty overload that would make everyone sick. HOPEFULLY, I managed to avoid that. And yes, I always wanted to show a Ron that was forced to really grow up, take charge, be a father. I tried it with the canon kids but it just didn't work. There needed to be more of them. Once I bucked the system and started writing with my own kids, it all came together nicely. I'm glad you thought that approach worked.

Thanks for the note about the sentences. I was trying for an emphasis by repetited style, but perhaps it came across as less effective instead of more as I had hoped. I always appreciate people's litterary suggestions as that helps to make me a better author.

Thanks again for such a great review. Left me smiling!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 677
Submit Report: