Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:harrylilyjames says:
Here with your requested review :) [a bit on the late side, I know, sorry!!]

I'm not really a Harry/Hermione fan, I'm warming up to the couple though and I was really looking forward to reading this.

The first thing that I noticed was that when you were talking about the media liking to talk about Harry's and Hermione's relationship, then you wrote about their love affair to be supposedly over, I didn't know what it meant and who it was talking about. Might just want to re-check it to see if you can make it a bit more simpler to follow.

When Hermione says that she's late for work, after this you might want to add "she exclaimed/shouted/barked etc"- just so it flows better and makes the sentence after a bit less forced-sounding.

I notice that some of your wording choice makes it a bit choppy, like here "so as Hermione walked"- you could swap the 'so' with 'and'.

Overall this chapter seems a bit rushed, like you were skimming over all the scenes- go into more detail of their morning, or a bit more facial and body actions. Also, try and make the other two scenes a bit longer, more detail and slow down the pace.

Like the part where Harry says his idea, write more on Hermione's reaction of it, because it's the main point of the story. Just put more emphasis on it.

I know I'm not saying a lot of positive stuff, but it's a small chapter, and I thought it's super cute that Harry wants to start an orphanage, I really do hope you continue with it, it's just an adorable idea.

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 194
Submit Report: