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Review:writeyourheartout says:
Hey! A very good idea for a story - I really liked seeing this situation, that we were so familiar with because of Harry, from Dean's side instead! So great idea for a story, and sad too.

However, there were a few errors in grammar here and there - a few comma's missing and a couple of typo's as well - perhaps a beta would be good for you! Because the story is original, it just needs a good looking-over for the small details that we all tend to miss in our own writing! There's also a few sentences that are a bit of run-on's, so they don't read as smoothly as they could, which takes away from your story.

Some examples:
"Women, can't live with them, can't live without them." - This would probably read better if you put a colon after 'Women' instead of a comma!
"Don't you dare and judge me because if it was you, you know I wouldn't do that to you!" - The 'and' has no purpose here and is probably just a typo that you missed, but it's presence takes the reader out of the story because they have to go back and reread the sentence to get it right. Also, this sentence is a bit wordier than it needs to be - if you found a way to simplify it, I think it would be much more powerful!
"My name is Dean Thomas and the girl I loved is Ginny Weasley. We can never be together again. Not only because she said we didn't work together anymore, but also because she was deeply in love with Harry Potter and they were a couple. They would last forever." And this last bit, the tense seems to have switched. Dean is still in love with Ginny, so it should be 'the girl I love is Ginny' instead of 'loved was'. And Harry and Ginny 'are' a couple, not 'were'.

Anyway, the story overall was good - a really nice perspective change! And every other review seems to love your story, so I hope you don't take this too hard - I'm just being nit-picky for you! All very small details, but if they were cleaned, this story would be even better! Still a very good job! And I think the song choice was excellent - it fit in really well!

Thanks for writing this! :-)

xTanya

Author's Response: hey Tanya, thanks anyway for the review and it's okay if u pointed out my mistakes. grammar was never my forte so i appreciate every help.^_^

Harry and Ginny


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