Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:dracos_babe says:
Wow, for only one chapter, and a short one at that, that was intense. One of the things you asked me to review in your request was plot, however I don't really think that there's much here to go on, other than the obvious fact that she's stuck in a crazy house and I'm assuming isn't actually crazy. But that in and of it self is extremely interesting. I think that it's definitely a good storyline and you should run with it, like as fast and hard as you can because I think that this could really develop into a great story, you've definitely picked an intriguing topic. Your other request, the character, I love her. I want her to be my best friend (and I mean that in all seriousness). Her sarcasm, her cynicism. her complete loathing for everything and everyone around her, it made me smile to read her thoughts, and I'm not usually a big fan of first person stories, but I couldn't even tell with this because I was so wrapped up in what she was thinking and where she was going. You've done an excellent job of developing you character in such a short amount of time but you still managed to keep enough mystery in it that I want to read more. I would recommend a quick read through as I noticed a few sentences had a word missing, one of the small ones like "a" or "the", nothing to major but just enough for me to notice and throws off the flow of the story. I'm tempted to say that your descriptions are well written, however going back over the chapter I'm realizing that there really aren't that many actual descriptions, and I'm assuming my temptation is caused simply by the fact that I enjoyed reading the story so much. However, I also notice that there really isn't much to be described, you mention the hallway that they walk down, and the chair that she sits in, and I feel like going into too much detail about what the office looks like every little thing that she sees around her might detract from her character that (it seems to me) you used this chapter to develop so well. However, I think that in future chapters it might do well to add more descriptions as the characters personality can only remain the main focus for so long before the reader wants to read and know more then just her view on the world.

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the lengthy review :)

Mona isn't crazy as in completely bonkers, but she said it herself - she isn't normal, else she wouldn't be in the Institution ;)

You actually love Mona?! omg, I didn't think there were people other than me who could at least like her. :o I mean, she's not exactly nice. And she's not likeable. I think. Actually, I'm in doubt now but I'll have to make her even more not nice (because in all honesty, she's not evil). xD It's great to know I've managed to let people inside her head and not make it seem a bit over the top with all the sarcasm and not-niceness. lol

I'll be sure to fix everything you've mentioned about "a"'s and "the"'s and everything really ^^ and I'll keep in mind to be a bit more descriptive in later chapters :D

Thanks again for the review, I appreciate it :)





Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 178
Submit Report: