|Review:||silver ink says:|
Hi again :)
Hey, remember in my last review when I said something about imagery? I'm stupid. Do you know why? I had read the first few paragraphs days ago, trying to start your review, but I had to go somewhere and left it to finish, which is what I'm doing now, and I realize (and completely forgot) that the first few paragraphs had loads of imagery in them. In fact, the imagery was excellent. So wow, gosh, my bad. /Really/ bad. *blushes* Aaahh I'm so sorry D: Well, I guess that there wasn't much more imagery through the rest of the chapter, so I guess I could suggest that you add bits more throughout? Only a suggestion, of course :)
Oh my goodness. I loved this chapter. I don't know why, but I think it's loads better than the first. Maybe because it's longer and the plot is just beginning to unfold? But wow. That was fabulous. Your characterization was wonderful, from Sirius to Ruby and even to Loretta. You could sense Sirius' utter disbelief at finding himself in some sort of strange afterlife, and when you were describing his death... That was extremely well done. Excellent. The flow was smooth and believable as well. I love how this is different from other stories. Most of the ones that I've read (and written, for that matter) are just romancey things about people and growth and "finding themselves". This incorporates something more along with all of those other things. The whole mood and tone of this is all mysterious and weird and I love it. I hope you go more in-depth with Ruby-- like how she died and her thoughts and feelings as well as Sirius'. In this chapter, I saw you described this a lot differently and with more lovely descriptive words than in the first. I bask in that sort of thing-- words are so fantastic, are they not? For example, "He had been exhaling; releasing a gust of breath that he had been hoped would be a sigh of relief from his quivering lips. And then in the next moment, he found his single breath caught in his throat as it burned like acid." That paragraph held such imagery for me; I could sense his fright and disbelief and... Well, everything. You used many brilliant and pretty words-- ones that don't seem to pop up in stories very often. Your vocabulary is awesome. "Marred"... Oh, how I love that word. It's pretty. I'm one of those freaks that thinks blood and scars are cool, so...
Well, I don't have any critique at all for this. Am I useless? I always feel the need to point out things that are flawed but, predominantly, I have an eye for things that are good about a story. Nonetheless I hope that this has helped you in some way. I strongly urge you to continue with this story, because not only is it a great idea, but also it is fabulously written. When the next chapter comes out I'll be sure to read it-- I'm very curious to see where this plot goes.
Lovely work, and feel free to re-request! (if you do, I'll be sure to get to this story sooner than this time around :/)
Author's Response: Hi! I actually gaped at the length of this review XD Thanks a million, hon!
Oh, no, don't be sorry at all! I did fret a bit because I didn't know how much more I could do with imagery in the beginning, but you're completely correct in the sense that I didn't follow through completely with solid imagery throughout the entire chapter. I'll definitely be keeping in mind what you said though, so look out for it in future chapters!
I can't even begin to cover how much that means to me! I was absolutely terrified about writing this chapter - the whole "second chapter is totally going to maim anything good I had going with the first chapter" nerves, so I'm beyond thrilled/relieved that you like this one alright :) Dually thrilled about the characterization being okay as well! Sirius being my favorite character and all, I was horrified that I would ruin him.
Oh, yes, Ruby is a huge part of the entire story - she sort of brings everything full circle, really. I'm definitely going to go in-depth into her past/how she knows Sirius/her death and all that jazz; I'm rather excited to write it actually!
Ooh, I'm happy imagery was alright in this chapter as well. And no you silly, you're not useless! You've been a great help and I'll definitely be re-requesting when I get more chapters up!
Thanks for all the help, I so appreciated both your lovely reviews! :)