This was seriously a really brilliantly written chapter. You have such a talent, it's really strange and a pity that not more people have read this. This whole time I just kept thinking of James Bond, and all those spy movies, and how they were written JUST as brilliantly as this! The plot and the introduction to the characters was really great. I'm seriously loving the vagueness of the main characters, and what their relationship actually is -- what was it like before they were obliviated? Will we ever know? What is their mission? Where did they come from?
You have managed to write this story and succeed in it, when many others who attempt this type of genre typically fail. Especially when I heard that there were going to be Americans in this story, I felt that there was seriously no hope -- but I was definitely proven wrong. This is totally going on my favorites, and I fully intend on finishing this when I get the time.
Just some things I noticed, while reading through and taking some notes:
If she was blending in with other Londoners, wouldn’t they be dressing practically? What exactly is in the way of THEM dressing warmly? Unless they are trying to be hot attractive youths and don’t care about the weather – but honestly there aren’t too many of them around, heh.
“frowned mentally?” I like that phrase. I really like your writing style. It has nice flow, and the describing words paint a nice picture in my head, like, “simultaneously keeping them warm and surreptitiously rummaging for anything useful that the base-wizards may have slipped in..”
“Doing her best to appear desperately lost and helpless,” it wouldn’t really be too hard to appear lost and helpless if she had just been obviliated, right?
Also, the whole first letter as a name thing is a really brilliant idea. That can make for some really interesting names throughout this story, I can tell. And I like the bit of humor with “purple” and “green.” Good stuff, haha.
Alrighty, so I hope this made sense and you can relate with what I said. Overall, definitely not too much bad stuff about this. Because it really was good. You're so good at this stuff.
Also, I feel like I've read some of your other stuff, but I'm not sure. Your penname seems realy familiar to me. Were you around four or five years ago, during my generation? well, anyhow, this was really good. I've said this a million times now. Thank you for asking me to read it!!
Author's Response: First, I'm so sorry that it took me so very long to respond.
I'm pleased that you liked it and thought that I was well written. I've been working really hard to insure that the idea was rendered the way I envisioned it. And it is a very good sign that you have so many questions. I know that Americans are cliche, but I wanted to challenge myself to write an uncliche story with them (And thank you for the favorite - that made my day).
As for the Londoners not wearing practical clothes, I was there during the winter two years ago. The young people seemed to be dressed for looks more than practicality, but that might've just been the appearance of it. Maybe they were warmer that I was.
Yay! Description! I worked so hard to inject it into my phrasing so that people would see what I did when I pictured it.
She's very sure of herself, though. Especially without her memories. She's trained to be, you know. So she does have to work on the lost and helpless bit.
I'm glad you liked the naming convention. Some other people have said it confused them, but I think that only happens if you skim.
I think you might've read My Name is Facetia. But that would've been a long time ago.
Thank you very much. That was a lovely review.