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Review:Blissbug says:
Hi Carl, I'm so glad to have gotten here at last, I've been looking forward to this read.

I have to say that I'm impressed. Really impressed. Your specific points were about characterization, showing versus telling and...flow. Or was it plot development? Blast, now I can't remember. I'll just address both and hope that works :)

Despite the fact that I keep seeing Doctor Who as I read (damn you David Tennant!) I really enjoyed your characterization. Not once did I question it, because it felt natural, authentic and completely unforced. I did for a brief moment wonder about how talented Barty was (he performed a whole gambit of very difficult spells, which makes me wonder one, where did he learn them, and two, would he be that naturally gifted and curious as to dedicate himself to their mastery). But then that seemed to fall into line rather nicely, so it wasn't an issue, just a curiousity.

The only place where I saw showing versus telling was in Barty's duel with Moody. I would have definitely liked more description -- even a few monosyllabic words would have worked -- but I worry that more description would have killed the pace, which would definitely be regretful. Even in this case of showing versus telling though, it still seems to work. A touch more description would be lovely, but isn't strickly necessary.

Lastly, flow and plot development. I liked the flow, even the jump in years at the very end was excellent handled. As a reader I moved right into it very naturally, and the pace of the day dominant through the writing was subtle but effective. The plot also seems to be deceptively simple, but you handled the undercurrents very well. You had a clear unwavering sense of direction and as a reader I never onced questioned that.

Over all this was a really delicious read and I'm glad you requested in my thread. Feel free to come back! 9/10


Author's Response: Wow! What a very kind review. I had started feeling unsure about the piece because it had been posted for a while and had no reviews.

I always thought that Barty Jr. was a genius and also very self-motivated in the way a lot of sociopaths are. While he has a friend, he would also betray that friend if it benefitted him.

I'm so happy that I got the characterisations right. I always worry about that. I'd never written Moody or Umbridge before and I was concerned (I write Snape poorly, so I didn't know if I could pull off Umbridge).

I see what you mean in the duel and I'm not sure how to correct it. I might go back and take a look at that when I'm done with my next chapter.

I must admit that I have a weakness for vignette type stories and the coda at the end falls into that, but I thought it was necessary for closure of the story.

Glad you enjoyed it and thank you so much for the kind review.

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