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Review:dracos_babe says:
I think this story is very interesting, Dudley having a child that turns out to be a witch is definitely a storyline I would like to see developed, I think it's something that you could have a lot of fun with. However, there were a lot of mistakes in the chapter that caused me to reread somethings a few times. There were a few times where you used "I" instead of "a", and "the" instead of "this", and I noticed that when Imogen yelled at the adults you wrote "Happing" instead of "Happening". These mistakes can cause readers to trip up sometimes and make them have to go back and reread a sentence or even a whole paragraph in order to understand what is going on, and if they have to do that too many times many readers may decide that the story is not worth reading if they have to work through mistakes like those. This would be a shame because I think that it is a very original and intriguing idea for a story and could be very well done. In addition, I found that the writing was a tad dry. I wasn't sure if this was because the narrative was in the voice of Imogen Dursley and she is only 11 years old and you wanted the narrative to sound childish or not, but I think that you should work on descriptions more and try not to rush the story so much. I felt like you were trying to cram a lot into this chapter when you would be better off taking your time and being descriptive about the surroundings and the characters feelings both emotionally and physically and split it into two chapters if you must. Otherwise it ends up feeling rushed and the reader comes to the end of the chapter knowing what happened but not really feeling for the characters and their situations, which can make them feel unattached to the story and might cause them to not continue to read, and you definitely want to engage your audience and capture their attention and feelings.

Author's Response: Thank-you for the review and I will look in to these things

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