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Review:Myriad says:
I love the contrast at the beginning betweem Lily's thoughts and how peaceful the rest of the world seemed just then. Nicely done.

There were a few spelling mistakes here and there. I noticed you spelled halloween with an apostrophe, I know you can spell it that way, but I would suggest the alternate spelling without the apostrophe as it wouldn't stand out in the text so much.

I love the detail in this story as well. I think you've caught all the characters nicely.

There were a few places throughout that seemed off in the wording. When the wording is weird it interrupts the flow of the chapter and distracts the reader as they go back and reread certain passages. You should go back over and read the chapter as if your an outsider reading it for the first time, or if that doesn't work, have someone read it aloud to you and note the parts where they get hung up on certain words or sentences.

Overall good job!

Author's Response: Hey there, thanks for the response!

This chapter hasn't been edited yet, so there are bound to be some spelling and wording errors that need to ironed out. I'll go back and edit this properly when I have some free time; since you never mentioned any specific sections where the wording is off I'll have to use my own discretion there.

I'm glad you think the characterizations all seemed right - this is the first Marauders story I've written, so I wasn't really sure how to approach Lily and James. It will be a learning process as the story goes on and the situations become more complex, so hopefully I'll be able to continue to do as well as you think I've done here!

Again, thank you so much for the review, I'm glad you enjoyed it!

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