Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:brightaddiction says:
Props for including Peter; 3 boys sounded like he'd be missing but he was included and he was wonderful. do good work, especially if this is your first story and you definitely have potential, though I do have a few suggestions.

Having clearly defined paragraphs is a must; most people have an extra line between paragraphs which would make your story much easier to read.

Second, having a clearly defined POV would make a shorter chapter like this one seem longer; having the chapter segmented between three different people makes it seem shorter and choppier than if you had focused solely on Peter or James.

Lastly, it is important to have an idea of where your story is headed. I know from experience that sometimes the inspiration to write will produce a couple of chapters with no clear vision or ending. Your writing is clear and well-presented but after reading this chapter I don't have any indication of what, if anything, will come next.

Alright, long review, and I'm sorry if it seems a little negative. I will definitely continue reading this story and I do hope you write more soon. It was refreshing to read something which actually included Peter (and in lieu of Sirius, of all people! ;P) and I hope you do well on your exams!

Author's Response: Hey,
Thanks for the review and the criticism and it was defo not negative :] This is, in fact, my first (real) story. I keep writing on and off but usually run out of ideas which just makes me give up ;D

I'm hoping that I can focus on Peter just as much as the other Marauders because other stories that I've read here pretty much focus on just the 3, James, Sirius and Remus. I always seem to feel a little bad for him even though I really do not particularly like him that much.

I'm hoping that the POV, probably after the 2nd chapter, would go into third person and become more clear. Definitely going to work on that for the 2nd chapter.

The clear plot is still a little issue that I'm trying to work out. I have an idea of where I would like this story to go, but its not clear so I defo need to work on that.

Okie, so thanks again and I will edit it up to make the paragraphs clearer.

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Repeat the number: 155
Submit Report: