I am going to give those who like writing fanfics a little constructive criticism (this isn't only for HP fanfics, these tips can be applied anywhere)(the actual review is at the bottom but you should still read the whole thing):
Tip 1: The Plot: throw in as much mumbo-jumbo, magic, witches and wizards, and fictitious STUFF as you want. Got all of it? Great. The trick to making a really good fictitious story is to have all of the elements of fantasy in it, but still keep the character’s actions realistic. Take away all the magic and fiction stuff: would Malfoy make the same choices? Would Hermione? Consider these things when writing fiction stories.
Tip 2: DRAMA. Holy CRAP, I hate drama. With a burning passion. More than Severus Snape hates shampoo. A touch of it here, a little dab there - it's all good, as long as you don't overdo it. Of course, use more drama than Snape does shampoo - a tiny bit never hurt anyone (except me)... Once again, think about the likelihood of these things happening if there was such a thing as (insert your fictitious elements here), or if (insert your fictitious elements here)were removed from the story; whichever way you want to look at it, you need to determine if the actions are realistic and if the reactions to the actions are realistic.
Tip 3: Step 1: write. Step 2: read. Step 3: edit. Step 4: DON'T YOU EFFING DARE LOOK AT THE DAMN STORY AGAIN TO-EFFING-DAY.
The next day, repeat steps 2-4 until satisfied with the results.
The biggest mistakes that i see when reading fanfictions (other than drama-overuse) are quite silly and are quite plainly resulting from a burnt-out author who's worked too much in one sitting. PleaseohpleaseohpleaseohPLEASE take breaks, if not an entire day after editing for a few hours than at least once every couple of hours. AND under NO CONDITION are you to post your fanfic the same day you finish it. AND read it just one more time before posting.
Tip 4: take you own sweet time writing this stuff, gosh darnit. The fanfic I'm working on now, most people would say, is finished. No-sir-ee, it most certainly ain't. It's 6,005 words and will stay within 100 words of it, because I am in the proud stages of final-editing. This is my fourth run through with editing, and I'm almost done. BUT- once I finish good ol' run through numbah 4, i'll read through again and edit more. And I'll keep editing until my sweet little heart is content, and then I'll give it to a few of my friends to read for constructive criticism. They have specific instructions for when they receive my final product: find any and all errors, and tell them to me in as mean of a way as possible. Then I'll edit some more and keep going until, at last, 'tis done. I've been working on it for three weeks now, and I must say, it's turning out pretty well.
Not all of these tips are meant for the author of this particular fanfic, I just want this out there for everyone to keep in mind when writing :) HAPPY WRITING!!!
p.s. when writing HG+DM fanfics (which I love because of the imposing challenge of their pasts), I find that when writing happily-ending Dramiones, the best way to make it realistic is to either give Hermione a traumatizing love-life and have Malfoy help her through it, or forcibly put them together for a while (through work, associates, business – think of a way) so that they can get used to each other. Either way, Malfoy has to realize EVENTUALLY that he was an idiot for all that blood status mania.
p.p.s…. Also, you are going to get good well and bloody sick of your fanfic by the time you’re done writing it, IF you write it right. Hmm, write it right… try saying that ten times fast… writeitrightwriteitrightwriteitright… hehehe
p.p.p.s…. In case you haven’t already figured it out… yes, I am indeed insane and belong in the INSANE ASYLUM!!! SO WOOHOO FOR INSANE PPL!!!
Peace yo ~8-)
All in all, drowningmusic, I think that you did well; just keep in mind what I said about having friends read it before you post it so that they can give you suggestions, and the drama and realisticality (i made up a word there :D) of the character's actions.
personally... I'm not so sure that Hermione would have fallen for Malfoy in those circumstances. In fact, sorry, but I highly dount it. She's much too practical. Also, why exactly does Malfoy tell Steven to bring Hermione to the woods, just to change his mind? And what makes him fall for her? She suddenly goes from being a captive to him liking her, a lot.
Please understand that I'm a stickler for these things and that I'm like this to everyone. But other than what I've mentioned, I like your writing style and the plot and will read more of your stuff :)