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Review:Adrielne says:
I like this chapter, BUT. (Yes, there is always a "but..." and it comes right before Henry takes control).

Lily seems to be a bit not like herself. She is turning into the standardized independent Potter/Weasley/MainCharacterPerson girl, which are too many to count (one even in my own story). I don't like reading the same character over and over in different eras and situations, so I won't comment further on it until I get to know her better.
Don't you think that Lily falling for Malfoy the evening after he caught her would be a bit of a stretch? And by "a bit" I mean quite a lot. My first reaction if a Malfoy dared touch me (even if he saved my life) would probably be a punch in the nose for him, without even thinking if he deserved it for whatever he just did - 'a Malfoy always deserves to be punched' is a motto I feel is true.
Another thing is the five hyphens of a dividing line you stuck in the middle of action flow. Why in the world would you separate "Party in the Common Room" from previous chatter on the Quidditch pitch? There is no need, reason nor argument.
The title of the chapter is suitable, but none too surprising and it leaves little to interpret. An ideal chapter title situation is in "Match" by mental. and it is a story I often refer to for good writing style (but not for too much originality - it is a Sirius/OC after all and those never make it too far into the "good literature" section).
A thing that made me cringe slightly is the naming of Gryffindor girls. Somehow Electra doesn't sound like a wizarding name - more like a 90's cross-dressing drag queen. Oops. Also, the name Carmella doesn't seem too Hogwarts, even in the Next Gen. Think about it: the magical world is about a century or five behind muggles as names go.

On the bright side, we got to know the main character better. She changed (as I said before). You introduced Rose (a valid description, I think) and we found out that James is a playboy, while Albus is a bit of a voice of reason. Teddy is also mentioned - brownie points for that! I love Teddy Lupin.

That's the end of my rant for now! See ya next chapter!

Adrielne

Author's Response: So, many things to reply to. I'll start with those things I could potentially defend. Electra is the name of a star. Burke (her surname, though I realise it's not been mentioned yet) makes her a distant relative of the Black family. Hence, I feel a somewhat canon name. Carmella isn't a wizarding name at all, but I figure there's always one random muggleborn with a terrible name!

Also (though this one is clearly my fault as I must have given this impression) - she has NOT fallen for Malfoy at this point. She's just vaguely intrigued by him doing something so utterly out-of-character. She still sees him as someone to be wary of, honest!

So, onto the indefensible. The hyphens thingy - that was a weird thing I was trying out to separate section of a chapter, which is utterly unnecessary and so cut from my writing style. It will be removed pronto! The title - well, it's less than great, but you should have seen the ones I didn't use! Seriously, I suck at titles, so any suggestions are most appreciated!

Sorry, but that's all of Teddy for this story (ducks and runs away), but I'm glad you liked the other characters - this was the chapter where I decided to make this whole thing more than a one-shot, so it suddenly became imperative to create some characters.

Hope Lily becomes less formulaic, but not holding out a lot of faith, as well, I've read her! On the plus side, I'll definitely be adding more flaws to her character in the sequel!


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