Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Adrielne says:
Hello, winner of the "Quidditch Game Challenge"!!! xD

Explanation for long wait in PM on the forums... Oops.
Anyways, back to reviewing:
This chapter is very well-written, though if I hadn't read through all the warnings, summaries and such I'd probably have guessed the narrator was Rose. I do not recall you mentioning Lily's name even once in this chapter.
I like the narrating style and the Briticisms (I noticed a few) add a slight Rowling feel to it :) but your style is original and I like it very much.
The "too many Weasleys and Potters to count" situation, always present in Next Gen stories, is not overused here. I think I would have tried to get some more out of it, actually - good job restraining from that!
The actual game is only described as Seeker moves go and - despite the mentioned plays and moves - I don't really get the excited feel that Rowling brought to us every time flying was involved. I missed that spirit.
I enjoyed the plot twist at the end - Malfoy saving a Weasley's butt could be just putting the situation straight: GrandMalfoy didn't do anything good, Harry saved Malfoy Sr and now Malfoy Jr saved Harry's relative... Is that where the plot goes? We'll see!
I'm giving this a 9/10 for minor grammar mishaps (probably more a style issue than grammar anyways). Great job!

Adrielne

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! Yeah, kinda didn't even occur to me to point out who was narrating - I've purposely used the unmentioned narrator trick in later fics, but in this one, the fact that James wanted to bench his siblings is all you get. Hmm, might add a word to his instructions to her, to make it clearer.

I used Britishisms? Being British, I don't even notice myself doing this - that's just how I talk! Good to know it works though.

Yeah - this match really doesn't have all that much tension, and it's the one thing I plan to work on when I do the inevitable re-write. It wasn't 'til your challenge that I even considered the chapter from a tense match point of view, but now I have, I can see it needs more to really deepen that quidditch match JKR feel.

Will also have to give this a quick grammar clean up - it was posted pre-beta, and so never got the polish it deserves, but I'll get it done some time.

Anyways, there have been some really useful ideas in this, so thanks again!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net