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Review:Adrielne says:
Hello, winner of the "Quidditch Game Challenge"!!! xD

Explanation for long wait in PM on the forums... Oops.
Anyways, back to reviewing:
This chapter is very well-written, though if I hadn't read through all the warnings, summaries and such I'd probably have guessed the narrator was Rose. I do not recall you mentioning Lily's name even once in this chapter.
I like the narrating style and the Briticisms (I noticed a few) add a slight Rowling feel to it :) but your style is original and I like it very much.
The "too many Weasleys and Potters to count" situation, always present in Next Gen stories, is not overused here. I think I would have tried to get some more out of it, actually - good job restraining from that!
The actual game is only described as Seeker moves go and - despite the mentioned plays and moves - I don't really get the excited feel that Rowling brought to us every time flying was involved. I missed that spirit.
I enjoyed the plot twist at the end - Malfoy saving a Weasley's butt could be just putting the situation straight: GrandMalfoy didn't do anything good, Harry saved Malfoy Sr and now Malfoy Jr saved Harry's relative... Is that where the plot goes? We'll see!
I'm giving this a 9/10 for minor grammar mishaps (probably more a style issue than grammar anyways). Great job!

Adrielne

Author's Response: Thanks so much for reviewing! Yeah, kinda didn't even occur to me to point out who was narrating - I've purposely used the unmentioned narrator trick in later fics, but in this one, the fact that James wanted to bench his siblings is all you get. Hmm, might add a word to his instructions to her, to make it clearer.

I used Britishisms? Being British, I don't even notice myself doing this - that's just how I talk! Good to know it works though.

Yeah - this match really doesn't have all that much tension, and it's the one thing I plan to work on when I do the inevitable re-write. It wasn't 'til your challenge that I even considered the chapter from a tense match point of view, but now I have, I can see it needs more to really deepen that quidditch match JKR feel.

Will also have to give this a quick grammar clean up - it was posted pre-beta, and so never got the polish it deserves, but I'll get it done some time.

Anyways, there have been some really useful ideas in this, so thanks again!


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