|Review:||Jackson Robles says:|
Holy DarkRose! Nice to see you again. Sorry about the short hiatus before writing this - I read it after I wrote the last review and got side tracked! But I'm here now, and ready to offer my opinion, you know?
Right. So rereading a bit, that is a definite mystery there, isn't it? At first they thought it was real blood (I dunno why, but it struck me as kind of odd they needed to wait for Slughorn to find out if it was blood or not. Isn't McGonagall a competent Headmistress? Not a big deal, just something that kind of made me sit and thank haha ;D) - ANYWAYS! At first they thought it was real blood and then it goes to dragon blood. Something more valuable and rare! And fresh!? What on earth, that is most certainly a mystery, you know? Somebody GETTING dragon blood, and then just throwing it in the hallway. Oddly enough, I wonder if that was a distraction or something. I mean, it's certainly starting to get Hermione obsessed with Draco, isn't it? At least she's now feeling dizzy and shaken - and we're actually looking at DIFFERENT love interests - I mean, it's a Dramione, so Ron's out - but it kind of seems like one of the Slytherin boys might be worthy of her affection you know? Of course it'll be Draco overall, but c'mon! I just see it building! And then one of them dies. It works, I tell you! It works! ;]
Grammar wise, well, it's great! Very nice. And I kind of want to talk about this story now, since we're six chapters in, and my opinion overall so far. Okay, it's a bit ... well, here we go right? Something that I noticed was a bit of a lack of setting. This story relies solely and its characters' interactions with one another and Hermione's thoughts. We don't have a paragraph up there over three lines, which is a bit of a superficial testament to what I'm talking about. Sometimes I get the feeling that you could combine some of these extremely short paragraphs and make them into longer ones, but really, when it comes down to it, paragraph length is at the writer's discretion.
And! For a quick example (and I'm not saying this is something you need to change by any means, it's just something that I noticed ;P)
Draco's eyes widened and then narrowed.
He leaned closer to her, a glint behind his steely gray eyes.
"Granger," he whispered menacingly, "you don't know anything."
With those words, Draco smirked again and swept down the corridor without looking back.
This could all work easily as one paragraph, but it kind of seems as though the second you get done writing a sentence you hit enter and begin anew. While it takes nothing away, working on paragraph structure and 'dealing with it' (as I call it, because sometimes it can become hard - at least for me) is definitely a good way to grow as a writer, but it's all up to you, and I kind of get the feeling you use the enter button to help with readability, which is nice, but I mean, myself, I always go to the text size thing and turn it to 14 (why hurt my eyes) and usually go to Times New Roman - I wish I could save that preference, but it's not like it's a huge hassle haha - And on 14 these paragraphs do seem longer ;D
I think so far that's all I can really comment on. Theo would do her good, I guess - as Ron's rather stagnant and cliche annoying in this fic - and Draco's certainly very mysterious and who knows what's really going on. (I'm still waiting for those social engagements! Bring on the dances in the Great Hall!!) Voldie's still out there somewhere, and I'm curious where that's going to go.
All in all a good chapter though - I haven't found time to mention that yet haha :D But there it is now! We're moving along nicely plot-wise, and I wonder where on earth we are heading. So again, good job!
Author's Response: You seriously make my day. :] Everytime I read one of your reviews, I can't help but smile. :D
So... let's see: I'm glad you liked it! I really am terrible for my continued delaying of writing the next chapter, but as soon as I have it, you'll be the first to know. :]
The plot's definitely picking up and two chapters from now will be the most major moment of mystery (that was crazy alliteration... :D ). So I can't wait to get there and actually write it.
I know I'm a paragraph-spaz in fanfiction. I'm actually not like that in my personal writing, which is weird. I can't really understand why I do that. o.O But I'll see if I can lengthen things up just to switch the world around a bit.
Again, I thank you so much for your review. :] You're wonderful.