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Review:Jessabelle says:
Back again! (:

Okay, I'm going to warn you now. When I really get into reviewing a story, I can sometimes get a little abrasive. :P But I'm not trying to bash you or your story, and I can assure you that everything that I say or suggest is constructive.

Now, I can see where you're getting your concerns.

First off: the flow, grammar, and vocabulary of this chapter was just as good as the first. I really don't think the technical stuff is going to be a problem with you.

Secondly: Your character development is coming along nicely. This is only the second chapter and I already have a decent idea of Lily, James, and Sirius. Making sure the readers understand your characters is very important.

Third thing: Before you go any further into this story, you need to plan it out. Either in your head, or on paper- you just need to do it. You cannot enjoy writing a story if you don't know where it's headed; it just turns into a scary, confusing, frustrating mess.

I believe that if you map it all out in your head, and really think about what you want from this story- it will be a lot more fun to write. Also, I love the concept of Lily having a crush on James, it's very original.

Another recommendation would be that you make this a short story instead of dragging it out for ages. Maybe 10-15 chapters? If you have an idea of how long it's going to be, that also helps get the creative juices going.

I really hope I helped! I would love it if you'd re-request on my forum topic after you get the ball rolling again. Please let me know if my rambling aided you in your writing at all. xD I honestly enjoyed reading your story so far, it has a lot of potential.


Author's Response: This has been very helpful indeed! I definitely need to go back to the story plan for this before doing anything else. See, when I started it, it was supposed to be novel length, and I think that's where a lot of my disinterest is coming from. Perhaps going back and simplifying the plot down to novella length (i.e. 10-15 chapters) would help me get over this block, and thus make me happier to write it.

I also need to sit down and get to know these characters again - in my hurry to get my other story finished, I kinda forgot about them, but this review has reminded me of all the thought that went into planning them out. Maybe spending some time trying to get back into their heads generally, rather than immediately ploughing on with the plot, would help recapture my muse.

Anyways, now I'm rambling! Thanks very much for all the insightful advice and encouraging comments - I'll definitely re-request once I get this back on track!

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