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Review:Cherry Bear says:
And the plot thickens. This chapter was just as excellent as the last two, and can I just say that all your chapters seem to be just the perfect length? I know that must seem like an odd thing to comment on, but not once have I thought, "Wow, this chapter sure is dragging on!" or even, "That's it? That's all that happens?!". You include just enough to develop the story but not too much to bore which is a difficult balance to maintain, to be sure.

I'm going to start off with all my spelling and grammar advice and typos, just to get the nitpicking stuff out of the way. It seems like you rushed through proofreading this chapter a bit, so I'll just point out a few mistakes that I noticed. In, "Elise finished lacing her shoes and grabbed Luc’s coat, hat and gloves. In one swift movement, he took him by the wrist and dragged him out of the house", the 'he' in the second sentence should be 'she'. Another error that cropped up a few times in this chapter was the punctuation of dialogue. I think it's mainly just an oversight on your part, since at some points you seem to have it down pat, but in sentences like: "'I do not appreciate being treated thusly,' Luc hugged coat. 'You know how I hate the cold!'" not only should you fix that typo and put a 'her' before 'coat', but it should be a period after 'thusly' but before the quotation mark because the verb hugged isn't indicating how she says her statement. There is only a comma in sentences like this: "'A compliment to France! So rare from our friends in the West. It is very much appreciated, I can assure you Captain,' she teased him". I'm not sure if I've explained this very well at all, but there's a great topic on the HPFF forums that I recommend checking out if you want help with this; it's in the Writer's Resources forum under the Grammar Guidelines subforum and it's called "Everything You Ever Wanted to Know About Dialogue". I know that I found it really helpful, at least.

On to the actual content of this chapter. I definitely enjoyed the insight into the relationship between Luc and Elise, and especially Luc's threat of using magic on her - not only because I love your brief mentions of magic, but also because I think that entire scene showed a lot about how protective Luc is over Elise and sort of confirms how they consider their relationship like that of a brother and sister. Not only in their playful arguing and how Luc tries to protect her, but also in the fact that Elise is keeping her jumbled feelings for Captain Rigfort a secret for him. As I said, the plot thickens.

I do really love Elise's character, but I'm getting a bit confused about her goals and feelings. A courtesan is...well...to keep things appropriate, let's say a companion for the wealthy, yes? Obviously this "job" is accompanied with an aversion to marriage, because that wouldn't exactly help with business ;) But I can't quite understand her aversion to Guy de Rozette; it seems not quite fitting that she's so picky when the only motivation I can see for her occupation is wealth. Or perhaps her feelings for the Captain are fogging her judgement and she wants him instead? But she doesn't want marriage so why does she desire what promises to be only a flimsy acquaintance with him? I am very very confused about this, but perhaps I've just got everything all wrong.

I'm also having a bit of difficulty understanding Luc's aversion to the Captain, although not quite as much. I can see how it could be just because he's an overly-protective brother, but then he would be displeased with anyone. Is it the Captain's differing views of the Revolution that make him unappealing? Or is Luc just rightfully worried about how attached Elise might grow to him? You do have a talent in keeping me interested.

And on the subject of Elise and the Captain (I know this sounds bad, but I keep forgetting his name so I'm settling for just calling him this), I really love their relationship. Their witty conversation definitely reminds me of Austen's works, particularly Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy's. I'm highly tempted to read the other works you cite as inspiration in the beginning of each chapter, if only because if they've influenced this magnificent piece of work, they must be just as magnificent. I particularly liked how symbolic their analysis of the pillar was; perhaps I'm looking too far into it, but it seemed like a really fitting metaphor for Elise.

Something that I also enjoyed about their conversation was how they both manage to stay within the realm of politeness in their comments. I can't even imagine living in a society where gossip has to be done with such style, and flirting with such wit! Your dialogue seems effortless, but it must take so much thought to come up with banter that flows so smoothly and fits the formality of the time period so well. I'm not sure any other author could accomplish it half as well as you do.

Alas, I've rambled on for too long now. This chapter was another excellent one; I really don't know how this story has managed to stay so under-appreciated.

Cherry Bear

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