|Review:||Jackson Robles says:|
You're a tard. In the best possible way :D Right! So first off - JK's words, or most of them at least, need to be capitalized as you use them.
This includes, on the very first paragraph, the word 'Disapparating,' Know what I mean? Just a bit of a suggestion. AND! Take off the Prefix (Chapter 1:) From this chapter. We know it's chapter one. There's a little 1. mark before the chapter 1. I'm just saying - OR, to be consistent - ADD a Chapter 2: before SIRIUSLY?!?!!? Okay?
But I haven't finished, I just wanted to bug you. So there's the bugging. I have to see what Cygnus is talking about! CHOCOLATE WILL BE THE DEATH OF ME KEROS! I swear I'll eat her hair. It's not chocolate! I don't know what all of you keep talking about! If it were chocolate I'm sure it would have melted in the fire light.
I'm usually, very, very professional. But I see at least sixteen references to hair and eyes being chocolate a day when I get to reviewing, and the hammer of doom gets raised angrily. Don't you worry, I calm down, but it's still dangerous. I'll have you know.
And that's not a BIG deal, just a pet peeve of mine :P Okay! Back to the dinner. Oh noo! Narcissa's sad. Poor Narcissa. But it is a just cause. Bellatrix is lost. Money and power glint behind her eyes - nothing else. But Narcissa? PREGNANT Narcissa - now that's different. Hopefully she sees the light. I mean, in canon I don't have much of an inclination to like her now do I? But as Andromeda's sole tie to the family - well, hopefully that blonde head gets slicked back in the right way, and she doesn't follow Bellatrix done this sordid path. But then again, following Andromeda into exile's not the greatest idea either is it? I mean, the Black family is so fickle in its mind state. What with all the burn marks on that family tree and everything. It just makes you shake your head with some of the 'nobility's' actions, you know? But that's the way of life. They exile because they say they love them - but no eloquently and for putting Chapter 1: in front of the chapter name. Well . . . maybe the last part was a little ridiculous, but you get the idea.
And what a strange chapter. I mean, I know it's King Lear, but it's a strange way to open a story. Not bad, of course - interesting touch with Rudolphous's (I don't even care how it's spelled) eyes making him appear not really there, by the way - but just the whole dinner thing about dividing up his estate you know? It was odd. Most stories just have the main character narrating about how strange their life is. Andromeda could have done that here, and she had her moments in italics, but you choose the third person. You get to look into Bellatrix and Narcissa's eyes as well, which is a nice touch, and I personally like the third person narrator here.
And I have no clue where the story could be heading. I mean, to be exiled BEFORE she ran off with Ted is an interesting idea too. I like it for it's strangeness, if that makes any sense. I'm sure it does. And what else? It's got to be a romance. We're looking at Andromeda back at school where all her Slytherin friends start talking to her about what she's done - maybe it'll be like an outcast sort of thing, because I honestly can't see this taking the same twists and turns as King Lear. The beginning was interesting to use with it, but I don't see it following this fic around.
And that's reminds me! The Marauders are in this aren't they? Same age and all that, aren't they? Hm. Makes me interested to wonder how and where they'll all come into play. A fitting chapter title. Just - for me - when you edit this take off the prefix and capitalize the thing correctly. 'What You See is What You Get' not 'What you see is what you get' - another pet peeve of mine :P
Beyond that we're clean though. Nothing I really need to talk to you about. It's good. Written with a stroke of a good, but tentative hand, and with the flair of someone that wants to tell a story, so I'll definitely look forward to you writing more than just two chapters of this fic. Gladly looking into the next one. And if I haven't said it yet - good chapter Keros! ;)
Author's Response: JD I'm not sure whether to laugh or cry :p
Thanks for the review anyways though. Yeah I still need to edit some bits in that. Did I mention chocolate? That annoys me too so I'll need to go back and change that. Oh yeah, and the chapter thing, meant to change that so it was the same as chapter two hehehe.
Yeah I wont be following King Lear for the whole thing, just for that first chapter and the Marauders come in the nest one.
It's not going to be your traditional outcast type story either because as you know I'm weird and therefore anything I write is not going to be conventional :p
Thanks so much for the review though and when the next chapter is done I hope you like it XD