|Review:||Jackson Robles says:|
Hi Esseffle - quickly, before I forget:
I think, rereading that, it should be 'is forbidden' - with the other quotation mark on the end :P
And! Do you get why I'm calling you Esseffle? Your name! SearchingForLuna is just tooo long!! *cries* - Nah, not really, but I can't help but think it'll take up too much extra space to sit there and type out your name. And to be more creative than going SFL - I've sounded it out!
Because I will be reviewing every chapter until this story's over with, I figure we should get that out of the way. And why not?! This is an interesting fic. This chapter is good, and it works! Sammy's a Gryffindor, I knew she could be. I mean, she had Harry's mind state about Slytherin, which I kind of saw here... you know? You could be great you know - and Slytherin can help you on your way to glory! But she didn't want it - but it was definitely for a different reason than Harry, eh?
Although, if a bit of a downer side to this review, I kind of felt McGonagall truly let Dumbledore down in her opening feast. Perhaps it was me, and this is a definite possibility, I just thought that the bit about Argus Filch and the Forbidden Forest felt rushed and a little strange. I did like the little bit about Sammy swearing she rolled her eyes hehe
And this chapter's got me curious - do you have Victoire and Teddy in the same year? I always thought Teddy was a year up on her? Or maybe two? Although I'm not totally sure if Teddy is up here... Just - hehe - like I said: curious :P
This is another good chapter though! There are a few grammar touch ups that might be made, but really, it's nothing to be seriously concerned about ;), as you really do have a good grasp of grammar, which is intrinsic to writing anything, as I'm sure you well know :P
I'm a little put off by the huge gaps between the paragraphs - they weren't there last time, right? I mean, it's nothing huge, but I dunno, consistency is nice hehe :P
Oh! And I wonder about:
They dance for Bulgaria when they make it to the World Cup.
Teddy says this! Is he being the dork that he is when he says this - or does he actually think Veela's only use is to dance for Bulgaria when they play for the World Cup... kind of made me snicker.
Hmm... what else? I dunno. I like Hagrid being Head of Gryffindor. Is Neville there? ... And does McGonagall teach even though she's headmistress? (I know, I know, I'll wait until I read - don't wanna ruin the fun now do I? :P)
Anyways! Great chapter! I quite liked it, and I'm off to read some more! *in a superhero voice* To the next chapter! AWAAAY!
Author's Response: Hello Jackson!!! Aha--I get the Esseffle thing now. Thanks for catching the "are forbidden thing; the quotation mark is actually not supposed to be at the end since the next paragraph is still McGonagall's dialect, but you were totally right about the is-are thing. Thanks!!!
Yeah, speeches aren't my hot spot. And a lot of times I just don't really understand McGonagall, probably because I didn't create her. Oh well.
Hmm, harrylilyjames pointed that out to me too. And I thought I was being so canon. *slaps forehead*
Teddy's just being a dork like usual. Glad you snickered...:)
I might not have enough memory to include these guys later, so yes, Neville's teaching Herbology and McGonagall is still teaching Transfiguration. (I wonder if Neville should be Charms instead...)