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Review:eternalangel says:
First off I wanted to applaud you on how creative this story is. I liked the way that you used Sirius and how you added in some very interesting twists to the story (Sirius going with Hermione to the past with both their memories erased). I also liked your characterization of Sirius and how he is both loyal to Dumbledore, but also aware that Dumbledore can be manipulative. He has learned to question the Headmaster. I also found the idea of him going to meet his parents when they were at Hogwarts even though he won't remember that they are his parents to be intriguing.

Now I think the biggest problem I see is the very dangerous magic used in this chapter. Taking all of one's memories seems almost like brain surgery to me and would be extremely tricky to do. I was wondering how someone can take all of the memories of another person. I know you can take memories in small batches. Also, since experiences and memories shape a person's personality (for the most part), what type of personality are they being sent back with? I know Albus has a cover story for them, but will there be more to it than just the cover story? Will they have extensive memories of a past that never existed implanted in them or vague recollections? I assume that Dumbledore will be implanting them with false memories and maybe we will see some of those memories in later chapters.

I was also wondering about Fawkes. Is Fawkes time traveling with them and if so, how is he going to get them back? I wasn't sure if you were saying that Fawkes could time travel on his own or not.

I also found a few technical mistakes and they are:

1.) "The darker hair tone made her skin look paler, but no the sickly pallor of death."

I think you meant to write "...but not the..." instead of "but no the..."

2.) "Before either Hermione or Sirius had a chance to speak, Albus Dumbledore waved his wand and out them both in to an enchanted sleep."

I think you meant to use the word "put" instead of "out" in the part "...and put them both into...".

Other than those few mistakes and few questions I had, I think this is a really good chapter because if the reader wasn't hooked by the first chapter, they are by the second. You gave the reader more information, but that information only made the reader ask more questions which is always a good device to use. Keep up the good work!

eternalangel

Author's Response: Thanks again eternal! urgh, typos are the bane of my existence. Something else I shall have to edit. The memory thing is pretty dangerous, but its all to do with Fawkes really. I can't give too much away obviously but basically because Phoenix magic is never really fully explored and they can re-birth etc. why not have them being able to switch places with their past self and effectively travel through time. This is how the memories will get to them. Also, the extent that the 'twins' know is revealed at the beginning on CH3 but they're memories are pretty vague and rather selective. Things like magical knowledge etc has been left in but family and that sort of thing has been changed.
Thanks so much for the awesome reviews!
Kero


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