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Review:eternalangel says:
Hello, it's eternalangelkiss from the forums here for your review.

First off I wanted to say that I found your opening chapter to this story to be compelling and intriguing. You had the right balance of information given to information kept back that kept the reader interested. I wanted to know what it was that Albus knew and wasn't telling Hermione and why it had to be her that went back to that specific time in history. This is always a good way to start a story because it hooks the reader from the get go. I also found that your characterization of Hermione and Dumbledore to be fantastic. You nailed core characteristics of both characters.

Now there isn't much for me to say negative about this chapter. I did find Hermione's harsh comment to Ron about her never loving him to be a little out of character for her since it was so harsh and said to someone she has known for so long. This isn't a major problem though.

I also found some technical errors and they are:

1.) "Can you please tell me what the specifics of the mission are, I would like to know before I accept."

These are two independent clauses. They shouldn't be separated by a comma. There should be a question mark after "are" instead of a comma.

2.) " 'Goodbye? Hermione where are you going? You can't leave, what about school?' "

"You can't leave" and "what about school?" are two independent clauses. Most times they're not separated by a comma. Sometimes shorter independent clauses can be separated by a comma, but it's not common.

3.) "When Hermione though that she could take no more..."

Though should be "thought".

Other than these really minor things, I found this chapter to be an excellent set up for your story. Keep up the good work.


Author's Response: Thanks so much eternal! Thanks so much for taking the time to do this an do it so well XD I'll have to edit those when I post up the next chapter. I can't believe I missed them. A lot of people have commented on Hermione at the end actually so I'm going to edit that as well, make it more true to her character.
Thanks so much again!

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