|Review:||Jackson Robles says:|
Peyton has got to be one of the most annoying narrators I've ever read. People too, probably. (And to clarify, your writing is great. Makes me hate her - and it is really good. I just can't take this narrator much longer) - I still think it's that superficial - take on the world - I don't need help - I don't need anyone - I can take care of myself - defense mechanism, but that's... not enough for me. I mean, it's not as though I'd deny you another request, it's just I'm actually very happy that someone has killed her, if that makes sense?
Odds are though she's still alive. Well - at least someone told her one for! (or is it fore? ... No - no, it can't be...) I will say I'm shipping Conan/Peyton though. Dunno why. I think he's a good guy. And of course Peyton would think they were annoying. She thinks everything's annoying. Everything's bad... and it's a little much. At least for me. I've gotten a few stories with this kind of narrator. I will say you do have the best grasp of your character. She deigns the things around her, not the other way around, and that's a very important distinction. You know? Most of the annoying, all pessimistic, hate everyone girl narrators usually are ... victims of their environment. I don't want to say that... no. It's more like... I dunno. Peyton has a better grip on what's going on than I've seen before... if that makes more sense.
And I do mean that this is well written. Properly in the head of a detestable human being. And the Next Gen crew is clear cut as well. Albus, Scorpius, Rose - all of them. The cat was a nice touch - most of these characters do the author justice. And the story is also a very interesting concept. Interesting and good - I mean, a Huff as the new Dark Lord? I get the vague feeling that some of this is meant to be funny... but if it is - it's not my brand of humor. Which again, sounds kind of a like.. 'meh I hate this and everything about it' but not really. I hate the main character but I do like the story (and I was just saying that her narration splits my mood not my sides... you know? :P) I just, like I've said... wish it was 3rd person or something.
I can give two poignant examples of what had me cringing:
"He knew me so well. Which, of course, was annoying."
"Well, I sometimes listen to him. But that doesnít mean I care or anything."
Just... to much. The last sentence of both of these just as me going O.O really? Like last time. Did you HAVE to say that Peyton? I wonder if Conan killed her because of her attitude? Or TRIED to kill her.
That's the LAST thing I'll say about Peyton. I'm rambling... trying to make my point clear without sounding like a jerk at all. Because I'm not trying to bash or demean, you know? Just be creative ;) I would probably give this a 10 out of 10 for writing - and then likability (for ME - and that's a huge thing, because of the many stories I have read, this one really is well written Akabara, I can't stress that enough), maybe a 6 out of 10? I feel like posting another stick out tongue face, but I'll refrain because I don't want to beat a dead horse like I did with the Peyton thing. I think the reason this is so long is because I don't want you to think... I dunno. I do like it okay? I do...
Author's Response: Wow! Another great review!
Glad you don't like her. ;3 It makes total sense, by the way.
I think I get what you're saying there with the "victim of society" thing. It's like Peyton doesn't have a real reason for being like that, she just is. She's not a victim or anything, she's just mean. XD To tell you the truth, she's a lot like me, minus the friendly and with the meanness jacked up around 20 notches.
Glad you thought the Next Gen. characters were good. I'm always nervous about messing up canon stuff.
Also yay you mentioned Hoenheim. No one's done that yet.
A Hufflepuff being the next Dark Lord is indeed intended to be funny. It's bad, of course, because he's evil, but it's also odd enough to spark a little humor.
I do intend to have a few third person moments in this story. Not very many, though. Sorry lol!
Peyton said "Which, of course, was annoying," and "but that doesn't mean I care or anything" because she came to close to showing that she just might care. It was almost fondness in the way she said "he knew me so well," and heaven forbid she even show that she might actually care about Teddy! Haha she's just trying to be distant...
Lol rambling's fine as long as it's about my story. XD
Hey, it's no problem. As much as I love "oooh I love your story," I also love, "I didn't really like..." People's opinions, good or bad, are very important to me! :D
Oh no there's a dead horse?! :O (I am kidding, just so you know)
Thanks so much for the fantastic (yes, fantastic) reviews!