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Review:Jackson Robles says:

Totally what I thought first time I read that. But you've taken Peyton and Conan and (while a TOO built Arnold Schwarzenegger will always be brought to mind - and a TOO good NFL quarterback as well) you've made them your own. Conan's in love with his little friend and its cute. And I think it's your avatar on HPFF and the many 'anime-y' (but I've heard people more savvy with Japanese cartoons calling it 'manga art') but I kind of see the story in that light. Like it's an anime - you know? These two little kids just playing... it's sweet.

Peyton grates slightly against my nerves. She's a little annoying. And that's the story itself, not a writing problem (which... if you look at it the wrong way... sounds kind of worse...) - so no real worries there. Peyton's dialogue and especially her nine year old narration just has me... O.O really? And not in a bad way - I need to clarify that right off the bat. I don't dislike Peyton - she's just annoying - you know? :P Conan too, in that little kid kind of way. But then again, I'm not a fan of little kids - and Peyton's... just - nasty? Mean to Conan, harsh on Teddy. And we obviously don't get a straight shot to her thought processes, as we kind of get the surface narration from her - after all, she is kind of young, isn't she?

You know, when I read that bit about the Unbreakable Vow, I couldn't believe the wordiness they used! Dorks! That's dangerous. I mean. 'Will you never kill her?" - "I will" - the next thing I totally would have said is - "You will what? Never kill her? Or kill her?" And maybe that grammar mix up will come into play later. Maybe I'm looking more into it than I should - but either way I did find it interesting to look at. I love word things like that, you know? Maybe he'll get confused and think he has to kill her. What I was thinking at first was that he was going to have to - but then I looked it over a few times. Wrote it out (because I'm insane! *maniacal laughter*) and figured it all out. The 'I will' refers to the middle of that sentence 'will you never' - 'I will never' - so he can't kill her.

If he does, well, bumer. Poor guy. I kind of can't tell what he might grow up to be like (we all know what he aspires to - but beyond that... he's an innocent little boy. Teddy can see he's a good kid - but beyond that? I wonder what might happen. And yes, for some reason this is in a parenthesis. I don't understand it either - sometimes). He seems to mean well, like I said. And to put up with Peyton. What a good kid.

Anyways, I can't wait to see how else you name your characters. On to chapter two!

Jackson (PS - good job. Did I say that yet? I might have gotten side tracked :P)

Author's Response: Whoa! Thanks for the long review!
Arnold played a character named Conan? (oh, sad ignorance of pop culture, what havoc have you caused now?!)
I love manga and anime, yes. I find it to be a great compliment that you have related my story to anime.
YES!! Hahaha. I love it when people don't like Peyton. I want her to be a character that some love and some hate. You don't have to be so nice about it! I made her that way on purpose; you won't end up insulting me or anything. Little kids are also just generally annoying, so...
The looseness of the Unbreakable Vow will come up later. It becomes a big part of Conan's plan. He puts that big brain of his to work trying to find out of the Vow was even valid.
Haha Conan is a good kid to put up with Peyton. Deep down she really cares about him, and Conan knows it, so he can deal with her constant berating. (but for how long...?) (sorry I couldn't resist foreshadowing)
Lol I have some more interesting character names coming up, though I don't think they have anything to do with famous people.
Thanks so much for the spectacular review!


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