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Review:Jackson Robles says:
DONE! Loved it. I just do. There are a few ... wording errors that I see where things make me raise my eyebrows, but I'm not your beta so I won't go berating you about it. (you should've seen the things Alopex said to me when we were fixing up ATAS! But I will say I helped my writing grow by leaps and bounds so :P)

And as an example as something that just didn't look right:

"He looked her cream heart-shaped face up and down" - or something to that effect. I was kind of like o.O whaa? And had to reread it to fully understand what was going on. It's not a big deal, like I said, but things like that... I'd be killed for. *cries*

But seriously, it's great! I do like the oddity of Lunet being a mind reader. And Nestia liking Justin. And Dudley of course likes Hazel! Called the mess out of that. *nods*

So what are we looking at here? Obscure magical creatures! I mean, really, they were in Books 3 and 4 - but I mean, who's written a fanfic with them in it? Maybe one or two people - tops! I'm just saying. And it was well written. I totally forgot what a hinkypunk did before Lunet came and saved Dudders.

Lucky Dudykins. And speaking of lucky - he seems to be doing well earning Hazel's affection. And that's love, that is. Wanting to be a better person after meeting someone. Well - it can be. We kind of have to think, you know what I mean? Why is he wanting to be a better person? Because of her, or for her? To earn her affection, or what?

If it's to earn her affection... well, that's not exactly love, but it's an important, selfish, step on the road that leads there. And if it is because of her, well, buddy's head over heels. And definitely even more so after talking so easily with her.

We're building conflicts! Did you notice. Nestia =/= Justin. Lunet's ability to hear things. Vernon (this one's minor) and his Confundedness. Dudley's affection for Hazel. Things! Things are moving.

And it's going well, I think. Sure the edits are going to help wonders (just saying :P), but at the moment it's not bad (:P again).

Mr. Robles

Author's Response: Mr. Jack-and-the-beanstalk Robles (I'm having fun with naming you)

I'm glad you enjoyed the chapter. As for the magical creatures... I have a weirdly specific memory for random details (like the creatures students faced in Lupin's obstacle course final)... For example, I could tell you that Holden Caulfield buys the "Little Shirley Beans" record for his sister... I don't have a clue why I remember that, but it is literally engraved in my memory for some unknown reason.

That he wants Hazel to like him, does not mean that Dudley is in love. He certainly does not realize that he might have strong feelings towards her as he is not quite mature enough at this point. He knows he feels something.

Never fear, mass edit begins April 13. No sooner because I'll be taking the 12 (my last day of exams) to sleep & veg, making a general slug out of myself, as a reward for studying. But right after that, I'm grabbing my "Strunk & White" and smiting these mistakes with the sword of grammar!

-Serious Leigh Black (like my new middle name?)


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