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Review:Arithmancy_Wiz says:
Hi, Leslie. Iím stopping here to add a review. Iíll make sure to finish reading and comment on the remaining chapters but wanted to post something for now as Iím falling a bit behind on my review list.

You mentioned a few specific things in your review request so Iíll start with those. First, characterization. Thus far, I think this is one of your stronger areas. No one is larger than life or too over the top, but everyone has distinctive traits and behaviors that stay consistent from chapter to chapter. Youíve got a pretty large cast here Ė most of who are non-canon, or at least not fully depicted in the books Ė and I think your working them well. Iíd add to this though that after seven chapters, Iím really not sure whose story this is. Starting the story by introducing James and Marisol makes me feel as if it ought to be their story. But then Holden appears and in chapter three, he seems to take the reign. But from there we meet even more characters and jump points of view even more. Multiple POVs is obviously a totally valid story tactic but what brings them all together is their influence on some penultimate moment or goal. It feels like Holden is the only one with a strong point-of-the-story goal and therefore the strongest story to tell.

Moving on to two other areas you mentioned: plot and flow. I think these are pretty tied up into what I said above. The chapters are long and well written for sure, easy to read and follow, constructed solidly. But jumping around POVs not only from chapter to chapter but within the chapters and occasionally within the scenes themselves makes me as the reader feel like Iím loosing sight of the main plot: Holdenís search for his mystery girl. I like this plot. I think itís a strong concept. And I really enjoy the idea of multiple characters being the possible girl, people trying to help solve the mystery, or intentionally withholding relevant information. But if youíre going to move around so much, I might consider having really strong, really specific reasons for doing so. Make sure that each time we switch we see something important and can really compare and contrast what each character/POV is bringing to the story.

Iíll definitely be back to review more (if you want me to). Please poke me on the forums if I donít post more soon. Thank you for sharing your story. I think itís obvious you put a lot of thought into it, and it really shows. Hope Iíve been able to offer a helpful comment or two.

Author's Response: First of all, thank you so much for the really detailed review as I really do appreciate. And I'm glad that my characters are well fleshed out and written as that's always an area I worry most about when it comes to writing characters that I hope will be likable (or love to hate). As for the multiple perspectives, in the later chapters I stop moving around so much and focus mostly on the three main people (Lauren/Holden/Alyssa) so hopefully that'll make the plot stand out more clearly. I suppose the reason why I was jumping around so much is because I wanted to show more than one character, but I wasn't really thinking it in terms of the plot like I should have and I will definitely work on that for the rest of the story and future stories. Thanks again for reviewing!

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