Report a Review

This service is designed to allow HPFF users to alert the staff about inappropriate reviews.

Review:Arithmancy_Wiz says:
Hi, Leslie. I’m stopping here to add a review. I’ll make sure to finish reading and comment on the remaining chapters but wanted to post something for now as I’m falling a bit behind on my review list.

You mentioned a few specific things in your review request so I’ll start with those. First, characterization. Thus far, I think this is one of your stronger areas. No one is larger than life or too over the top, but everyone has distinctive traits and behaviors that stay consistent from chapter to chapter. You’ve got a pretty large cast here – most of who are non-canon, or at least not fully depicted in the books – and I think your working them well. I’d add to this though that after seven chapters, I’m really not sure whose story this is. Starting the story by introducing James and Marisol makes me feel as if it ought to be their story. But then Holden appears and in chapter three, he seems to take the reign. But from there we meet even more characters and jump points of view even more. Multiple POVs is obviously a totally valid story tactic but what brings them all together is their influence on some penultimate moment or goal. It feels like Holden is the only one with a strong point-of-the-story goal and therefore the strongest story to tell.

Moving on to two other areas you mentioned: plot and flow. I think these are pretty tied up into what I said above. The chapters are long and well written for sure, easy to read and follow, constructed solidly. But jumping around POVs not only from chapter to chapter but within the chapters and occasionally within the scenes themselves makes me as the reader feel like I’m loosing sight of the main plot: Holden’s search for his mystery girl. I like this plot. I think it’s a strong concept. And I really enjoy the idea of multiple characters being the possible girl, people trying to help solve the mystery, or intentionally withholding relevant information. But if you’re going to move around so much, I might consider having really strong, really specific reasons for doing so. Make sure that each time we switch we see something important and can really compare and contrast what each character/POV is bringing to the story.

I’ll definitely be back to review more (if you want me to). Please poke me on the forums if I don’t post more soon. Thank you for sharing your story. I think it’s obvious you put a lot of thought into it, and it really shows. Hope I’ve been able to offer a helpful comment or two.

Author's Response: First of all, thank you so much for the really detailed review as I really do appreciate. And I'm glad that my characters are well fleshed out and written as that's always an area I worry most about when it comes to writing characters that I hope will be likable (or love to hate). As for the multiple perspectives, in the later chapters I stop moving around so much and focus mostly on the three main people (Lauren/Holden/Alyssa) so hopefully that'll make the plot stand out more clearly. I suppose the reason why I was jumping around so much is because I wanted to show more than one character, but I wasn't really thinking it in terms of the plot like I should have and I will definitely work on that for the rest of the story and future stories. Thanks again for reviewing!

Your Name:
Reason for this Report:

Examples:
  • The review is offensive.
  • The review is spam or chit-chat (not actually a review).
  • The review was double posted.
  • The review has formatting problems.
Submit Report:  





All stories remain the property of their authors and must not be copied in any form without their consent. This is an unofficial, not for profit site, and is in no way connected with J.K. Rowling, Scholastic Books or Bloomsbury Publishing or Warner Bros. It is not endorsed by any of the aforementioned parties. Rights to characters and their images is neither claimed nor implied. The use of photographs and/or the likeness of any person contained herein does not imply endorsement of any kind. Any depictions were obtained through publically available sources and therefore fall under fair use. Although we may provide links to other websites, we are not responsible for any material at these sites. You acknowledge that you link to these other websites at your own risk. All original administrative content is copyright of the site owner and must not be copied in any form (electronic or otherwise) without the prior consent of the siteowner. ©2000-2012 Fanfictionworld.net

[terms of service] [report abuse] [privacy policy] [site credits]
 
 

navigation

home

search HPFF
read stories
write stories
login/register
get help
site links
forums
podcasts
Terms of Service
Site Rules
contact us

  
 
 

categories & genres

Genre:
- crossover
- drama
- fluff
- general
- horror/dark
- humor
- mystery
- romance
- action/adventure
- angst
- au
- young adult

Popular Pairings:
- harry/ginny
- ron/hermione
- james/lily
- draco/hermione
- more...

Format:
- one-shot
- short story
- novella
- novel
- short story collection
- songfic

  
 
 

quick links

my account
ToS
random story
site rules
help
merchandise


  
 
 

fanfictionworld.net