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Review:Capella Black says:
OK, so I love the concept of this. It has a proper plot already, and a highly believable premise that makes me as a reader go "ooh, what next?" I don't know exactly what to expect, but I like the ideas it provokes, and the fact that you have been neither too mysterious nor too obvious. Nice one.

I am also really convinced by your characterisations of Hermione and Dumbledore - in this she's complex and interesting, rather than the usual OOC cool girl or the cliched geek. Meanwhile he seems clever and calculating yet compassionate. Best of all, you've got all this across without resorting to telling us directly. Really nice.

My one niggle with this chapter though, is the dialogue between Harry, Hermione, and Ron. I just don't see Harry as the type to butt in so bluntly, and Hermione is generally more tactful in these situations - something like "I just see you as a friend" would be more in-character than "I don't love you", particularly as he hasn't actually admitted feeling anything for her. I can see why this break might be necessary for the plot, but I just seems a little blunt for these particular characters.

That minor thing aside though, I'm really loving this - the description and narrative content is perfect in my eyes, and the main characters are largely spot on to my own understanding of them. The flow is perfect too - not too much introspection, no excessive jumps in narration. Really good story. Darn, now I'm hooked!

Author's Response: aww you're making me blush. I think im going to go back and edit that convo section at the end as you're not the first to point it out and it was bugging me too.
Thanks for the great review
Kero


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