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Review:FoundriaPenguin says:
Hello! This is Foundriapenguin from the forums.

Excellent one-shot you have here. You have quite a gift for flow, and I love that you stick with the canon and the gum wrappers (: I also think that you've really managed to convey Neville's feelings very well for his parents and his grandmother. My heart really aches for him :(

As a reviewer, I couldn't help but notice that there are several missing commas, especially when you write dialogue. Here is an example:

"Come on, Neville." My Grandmother says gently, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

It should be, "Come on, Neville," my grandmother says gently, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

There are other little things like that in the story. They're not that important, but in case you want to improve your story to an even higher level (eek! :D) I suggest you check over the story and tweak those things.

Great job!!! I like the title, too. It really fits the storyline, you know?



Author's Response: Wow - 10/10 *Blushes*!

Thank you very much for such a fast respone and a positive review.

Ack, my speech really makes me nervous. I know it is a weak point and after asking my teacher to explain it, I only got more confused. Darn teacher! :P I will read the section on speech at the forums before I post again, but I will probabley look to get a Beta next time.

I'm planning on editing this soon! Thank you again for such a wonderful review. I'll definately do something about those pesky grammer issues!


p.s Still in shock at how quick that was, are you a secret ninja reviewer?

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