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Review:Laugharama_llama says:
Hello! I'm here with your requested review :)

I definitely think this story has potential, but just like you said, it needs revision. I'm really not sure what happened in this chapter at all. I understand the characters, but besides Jonathan and Charlotte, I don't know their relations with each other.

My point is, I can tell that this chapter is well thought out in your head. But you haven't seemed to convey that to the reader. You're throwing a lot of hints at the reader that I don't understand. I feel like the plot is complex and I want to understand what is going on, but I don't =

I think un-confuseify this, you need to start out with more background for the reader. Maybe some sort of shocking prologue that shows a scene that is being referred to in the chapter? Just a suggestion.

I really feel that once you the readers get more information, they'll understand and enjoy this story so much more. But if a reader is confused, he/she might not even finish reading the chapter, let alone the story. I hope this helps!

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