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Review:Laugharama_llama says:
Hello! I'm here with your requested review from the forums :)

You asked for just a general view, so that's what I'll be doing. The only critique I can think of is more of a personal opinion than anything. I feel like this chapter was cliche. Just by the way Lily was perfect and that James suddenly got his act together...it reminded me of a romantic comedy movie.

I also want to suggest that you fancy up your summary. At the moment, it sounds like the typical Lily/James set up. I understand that most L/J stories are like that but the good ones have a twist that attracts the readers. I'm sure your story has one too, so why don't you add it or hint at it in the summary - it'll be a great way to attract readers! :)

Other than that, I think you did a good job! Everything was very well written. Sometimes I have to criticize an author's grammar but yours was perfect and on point! It also shows that you've put effort into your story, not only by looking it over, but also by the amount of detail you have in this chapter. All the little things Lily does and thinks, and Alice's actions and stuff - wonderful detail! :)

Good job!

Author's Response: Hey there,

Thanks so much for your review. I agree with you, this chapter is a bit cliche. In fact, its pretty corny. I've kind of evolved with this story though. I wrote that first chapter over 3 years ago, when I was just experimenting with that story. I do think the rest of my story moves away from it a bit though.

As for the summary...I totally agree with you and you must have read my mind because I was thinking about that last night. I actually had an idea last night how to change it, I just haven't done it yet. You've solidified my decision now though, haha :)

I'm also glad you've noticed the details, that's something I work pretty hard on.

Glad that the grammar was okay...I've only revised this story about a bagillion times ;) Again, thanks so much for reading!! I appreciate it :)


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