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Review:Pookha says:
The link you gave when you requested the review pointed to a different story, but I reviewed the one you named rather than the one you linked to.

Since you specifically asked about sentence structure and grammar, I'll start there. Yes, there are a number of awkward, strange sentences in the story and there is some strange grammar, but it generally adds to the mood you're trying to set. What I mean is that poor grammar is sometimes distracting from the story, but in this case it doesn't distract from the story. I do believe that with a beta who fits your style, and one who concentrates on grammar rather than style, you could improve this even more.

I thought the heart-rending meeting between Albus and Gellert was very well done and it rang true to the heart-break that people feel when meeting a past love who's done them wrong.
The tension was palpable and you made the reader feel as if he were in the room with them watching them; fascinated and uncomfortable at the same time.

It's not boring and the ending is very satisfying because it ties into what we know of Albus' personality and what he did later in his life. This helps to explain a lot of why Albus delayed before finally confronting Gellert. Personally, I don't think they actually duelled; I think Albus convinced Gellert that he was going down the wrong path (think Luke turning his father back in SW).

Overall, a very moving and interesting piece.

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