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Review:butterbeergal says:
Aawww... That was heartbreaking. Poor Neville. I can't even begin to comprehend how it must feel for a child to see his parents like that, so for you to be able to write something like this is an accomplishment in itself (at least for me).

I like your characterization of his grandmother here, very believable. And Neville's reactions are also in character. I think people don't give him enough credit, and I like how you made him very tender and introspective here - which I really think he is, he just so happens to be clumsy and forgetful and that's what people remember him for. Sad, really. But I really do like Neville as a character, and I like how you wrote him here.

Sometimes I wish I had my parents to stick up for me. I know they would love me, no matter how forgetful I am.

That line is a heart breaker. I think that pretty much sums what Neville must feel everyday. And the bit with the Drooble's Best Blueberry Bubblegum was just so... sad. Makes me so happy that things turned out okay for Neville in the end because he truly deserves it.

Technically, there were some issues like typos, capitalization errors and misplaced punctuations. In the dialogues, for example:

"Come on, Neville." My Grandmother says gently, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

It should be:

"Come on, Neville," my grandmother says gently, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

But these are tiny things that a bit of editing can fix. :) I'm not usually a big fan of the present tense but I have to say, you made it work in this one.

Overall, I found this very touching and I rather liked it. Good job.

Cheerio,
G

P.S. Apologies for the delay in the review.

Author's Response: My first ever review... WOOH! Thank you very much for leaving it and no worries about the delay, I didn't even notice!

I'm really glad you liked the characterization. You comepletely understood my view of Neville! I feel his character is sometimes overlooked.

As for the technical errors, thanks again for pointing them out. Despite asking my english teacher to go over rules about speech in class, I'm still not confident with it. In fact, I might go and read the info about it on the forums now. I will definately take this into consideration next time I post.

Although I proof read there are always sneaky errors that slip through, but as you say a bit of editing will sort that out.

I generally avoid the present tense as well. I started writing it in the past tense but it didn't work. My first draft kept changing tenses and eventually I settled on the present. I'm pleased you think it was the right choice.

Thank you so much for reading and leaving me my first ever review! I really appreciate it. I hope you enjoyed it.

TallestTower




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