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Review:Laugharama_llama says:
Hello! I'm here with your review from the forums! I apologize for taking so long to get back to you!

This is a personal thing but I feel like it's a huge part of developing the story. I don't enjoy when author's start the story with character list, because it really takes away from character development. All of the information you included in this chapter could have been weaved into the story and helped develop your story so much more. Also, the first chapter is essential in capturing the reader's attention. I feel like a character list doesn't provide for any intrigue or really introduce any sort of plot.

In your request, you also asked if it was cliche - I'm sorry, but it does seem a little bit, because of your characterizations. For example, making Rose perfect girl who has everything but "something" goes wrong - it reminds of me of many other stories. I think one of the things about cliches is that they're really hard to avoid and are found in most stories, even in good ones. But the thing is the way you USE the cliches and develop the story. I wasn't able to get much of a feel for any of that because of the character list. =

Critiques aside, I did get the impression that you've thought this story out very thoroughly. Just the sheer amount of detail and information that you've put into this chapter, shows how thought out this is. I'd just suggest a reformat or something along those lines!

Also, I'm just one person with one opinion, and I haven't read any of your other stories or even any other chapters of this story. :) Happy writing!

Author's Response: Thank you so much for the review. I'm really torn about this chapter because of the whole description list thing. I realize that it can bother people, which is the last thing I wanted to do, but I just have had zero inspiration on how to rewrite/reformat it, or if I even want to. Arg! If you can't already tell, first chapters aren't my strong point haha, I just don't know what to do!

Thanks again for your review, I'll take all you said into consideration :D


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